Sun streams through the window and warms my arm as I prepare to enter the “sanctuary”. It splays its light across the worn pages of my Bible. Hot tea (Earl Grey Creme) warms my physical body. The Word lights a fire in my soul, warming my insides. This is comforting… this time. This place. I have no idea what this day will bring, yet somehow I know that as I look back on it, this will have been my favorite moment… this snapshot of time in which my Lord and I meet, just the two of us.

I pour my heart out to Him in prayer. I pray for the obvious… for my friends Bob & Alyce, both recovering from complicated surgeries. For my friend Etty and her ruptured disk. For my friend Candy to be strengthened as she faces the challenges of raising a son with Aspergers. For the family of my beloved Ed, who passed away a couple of weeks ago. For the Lord’s leading as our church searches for a senior pastor. For my children to grow to love my Savior as much as I do.

But I also offer Him the other things… things that are deeply personal. I share with Him the most intense longings of my heart. I come before Him vulnerable, holding nothing back… completely exposed before the One who knows me better than I know myself. I bring Him my questions. My fears. My feelings of inadequacy. My unabashed praise for not just what He’s done in my life, but for Who He is. Omnipotent Father. Faithful Friend. Everlasting God. Kinsman Redeemer. Prince of Peace. Sovereign Lord. LORD.

And then He pours out His heart to me… through His Word. Today He refreshes my Spirit with reminders of His love for me by walking me through a different perspective on His plan of redemption (Luke 2:22-35).

²² Now when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were completed, they brought Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the law of the Lord, “Every male who opens the womb shall be called holy to the LORD”),^{[f] 24} and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the law of the Lord, “A pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons.”^[g]

   
²⁵ And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. ²⁶ And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ. ²⁷ So he came by the Spirit into the temple. And when the parents brought in the Child Jesus, to do for Him according to the custom of the law, ²⁸ he took Him up in his arms and blessed God and said:
       ²⁹ “ Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace,
      According to Your word;
       ³⁰ For my eyes have seen Your salvation
       ³¹ Which You have prepared before the face of all peoples,
       ³² A light to bring revelation to the Gentiles,
      And the glory of Your people Israel.”

³³ And Joseph and His mother^[h] marveled at those things which were spoken of Him. ³⁴ Then Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary His mother, “Behold, this Child is destined for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which will be spoken against ³⁵ (yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul also), that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.” ²² Now when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were completed, they brought Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord ²³ (as it is written in the law of the Lord, “Every male who opens the womb shall be called holy to the LORD”),^{[f] 24} and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the law of the Lord, “A pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons.”^[g]  

How is it that I never realized this before? That when Mary and Joseph presented Jesus in the temple alongside those two turtledoves, they were actually “buying back” their Son (Ex. 13:11-16)?  As Mary held that squirming infant in her arms, she presented to the Lord the One who had come to redeem all who would believe, that He might present them to the Father, holy and without blame.

I’m filled with questions. Did she know? When Simeon told her that a sword would pierce her own soul, was she gripped with panic? As she rejoiced in her baby — her Lord — did she realize what this prophesied redemption would look like?

I’m filled with praise and overwhelmed by His deep love for mankind… for Me. The price He paid to buy me back so far surpasses that of a pair of turtledoves. The blood shed for me was so much purer… so much more precious, and that was for ME. Not for the sinless babe who was the express image of the Heavenly Father, but for me, wretched as I am. How I am confounded by His grace! Mystified by His love. I will never get over it.

Just as Mary collected all of her precious moments with the Savior and treasured them up in her heart, I too gather up my memories of our time together this morning and store them up, meditating on the treasure of Christ. He is my everything.

 

“Methionylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamylserylleucyl phenylalanylalanylglutaminylleucyllysylglutamylarginyl lysylglutamylglycylalanylphenylalanylvalylprolylphenyl alanylvalylthreonylleucylglycylaspartylprolylglycylisol eucylglutamylglutaminylserylleucyllysylisoleucylaspartyl threonylleucylisoleucylglutamylalanylglycylalanylaspartyl alanylleucylglutamylleucylglycylisoleucylprolylphenyl alanylserylaspartylprolylleucylalanylaspartylglycylprolyl threonylisoleucylglutaminylasparaginylalanylthreonylleucyl arginylalanylphenylalanylalanylalanylglycylvalylthreonyl prolylalanylglutaminylcysteinylphenylalanylglutamyl methionylleucylalanylleucylisoleucylarginylglutaminyllysyl histidylprolylthreonylisoleucylprolylisoleucylglycylleucyl leucylmethionyltyrosylalanylasparaginylleucylvalylphenyl alanylasparaginyllysylglycylisoleucylaspartylglutamylphenyl alanyltyrosylalanylglutaminylcysteinylglutamyllysylvalyl glycylvalylaspartylserylvalylleucylvalylalanylaspartylvalyl prolylvalylglutaminylglutamylserylalanylprolylphenylalanyl arginylglutaminylalanylalanylleucylarginylhistidylasparaginyl valylalanylprolylisoleucylphenylalanylisoleucylcysteinyl prolylprolylaspartylalanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucyl leucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycyl arginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginyl alanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamylasparaginyl arginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginylhistidyl leucylvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylglutamyltyrosylasparaginyl alanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanyl glycylisoleucylserylalanylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysyl alanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycylalanylalanylglycyl alanylisoleucylserylglycylserylalanylisoleucylvalyllysylisol eucylisoleucylglutamylglutaminylhistidylasparaginylisoleucyl glutamylprolylglutamyllysylmethionylleucylalanylalanylleucyl lysylvalylphenylalanylvalylglutaminylprolylmethionyllysyl alanylalanylthreonylarginylserine.”

Noah informed me that this is the longest word in the English language. I told him I think he’s wrong. Wanna know the longest word?

Love.

^“14 For this reason I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,^{[c] 15} from whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, ¹⁶ that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, ¹⁷ that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, ¹⁸ may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— ¹⁹ to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” (Eph. 3:14-19)

Or how about this?

“For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)

Or this?

“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.” (Psalm 103:11)

 

Love stretched across the hands of eternity and saved me. It reached down from Heaven and rescued this lost sinner. Love walked the long road to the cross. His love is infinite; His compassion knows no bounds.

The love of a Father for His child.

                                    The love of a Shepherd for His lost lamb.

The love of a King for His princess.

                                            The love of a Bridegroom for His bride.

Yep. The longest word is definitely LOVE.

 

My Subaru Outback was the best car I’ve ever owned… including the Nissan Murano that I just HAD to have last year. I loved that little Subaru. It was great in the snow, and held some wonderful memories.

*We drove it to Cape Cod for our honeymoon

*Joel decided to take a scenic photo as we sat in traffic on the way home from said honeymoon and bumped into the car in front of us… $2500 worth of damage to my “new” car.

*It carried us back and forth to Boston when Jas was a patient at the Shriner’s hospital.

*We drove it to the wedding of a friend – from NH to Indiana in one weekend.

That said, after giving us over 200,000 miles, it was time to turn her in. She had done her work well, and she was tired. In the search for a new car, I fell in love with the Nissan Murano. Maybe it was infatuation, because I have certainly complained plenty about this car since we bought it. LOL.

That said, it does have one feature that I love. The outside temperature gauge. It tells me what the temp is outside, so I’ll have a better idea of how the roads are… is that rain freezing, or just wet? Having that information helps me to be extra cautious when circumstances warrant it… it’s like a faithful friend, warning me of danger and doing its best to keep me safe from harm.

How I love that my heavenly Father has given me some gauges for my spiritual well-being too! He has supplied me with His Spirit, who teaches me all things… and brings to remembrance the things Jesus has taught. This knowledge can help me to walk in obedience, which keeps me safe. The Holy Spirit brings discernment, enabling me to see things that my human nature might otherwise miss.

“But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.” (John 14:26)

The Lord has also given me another incredible instrument with which to gauge the world around me: His Word.

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

That pretty much sums it up, doesn’t it? If you need more, how about this little tidbit?

“Every word of God is pure;
He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.” (Prov. 30:5)

Now here’s the thing. As cool (no pun intended) as that fancy guage in my car is, it’s only as good as the amount of attention I give it. If I never look at the temperature display panel, it’s information won’t have any impact on my life whatsoever. The roads could be just on the verge of freezing, with black ice covering patches… but if I refuse to heed the warning that device offers, the results could be devastating. It’s the same with my spiritual walk. The Lord has given me everything I need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), but if I ignore Him, and the tools He’s given me to help me along the way, most likely I will end up in a head-on collision with sin and it’s consequences. I am so grateful that He cares enough to direct me… aren’t you?

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” (Isaiah 30:21)

Buckle up… this life is a wild ride. Stay in step with the Spirit and walk in the Word… we can’t make it through this journey without them!

The Simple Woman’s Daybook is hosted by Peggy Hostetler. To participate, click the graphic below

Outside my window… a mountain of snow on the back deck. One of these days I’ll get motivated to shovel it off… the roof shed on it and I’m pretending I didn’t see it.

I am thinking… that I’m grateful it’s Friday.

I am thankful for… the fact that the CT scan showed Joel’s tumor is gone (at least what they could see) – Thank You, Jesus!

I am wearing… jeans, a blue turtleneck, and a Tom Brady football jersey (and my patriots earrings, of course).  Hey… it’s casual Friday at the office and we’re in the playoffs, baby!!

I am remembering… my sweet friend Dotty teaching me to drive a standard in her big red pickup truck when I was 16. I’ll be attending her funeral Saturday. She was a huge part of my childhood, including being my first bf’s mom. She prayed for me faithfully for many years… what a blessing she was to so many! I’m sad at our loss, but rejoicing that she’s now in the arms of Jesus.

I am going… to work. Missed Wednesday due to sickness, and don’t work on Thursdays. Looking forward to a productive day. I just wish I felt better.

I am currently reading… “The Associate” by John Grisham and “To Fly Again” by Gracia Burnham.

I am hoping… to be more consistent in my study habits this year. To MAKE time for inductive Bible Study and really digging in.

On my mind… the anxiety attack I experienced at the grocery store yesterday. Prayers are appreciated.

Noticing that… I’m more content to stay home lately than to go out, even for church activities. Is it the stress in my life that makes me want to stick close to home and soak up all the family I can get?

Pondering these words… “My grace is sufficient for you…”

From the kitchen… made Pasta E Fagioli for dinner last night (thank you, Mari!). It was amazing. Joel announced it was the best soup he’s ever tasted. Needless to say, I’m taking leftovers to work with me today for lunch.

Around the house… got productive yesterday. Laundry caught up (even matched all the socks and folded underwear — that NEVER happens in this house!)   Kitchen cleaned (twice).  Grocery shopped. Made a nice homecooked meal. Worked on the baby sweater I’m knitting. Nice.

One of my favorite things~ listening to Noah (age 9) sing worship choruses. The other day he went from “Sweeter” (Every day with You, Lord… sweeter than the day before… every morning I will worship, every evening, I’ll adore… every day with You is sweeter, sweeter than the day before) to “Change My Heart, O God.” Does a mom’s heart good.

From my picture journal:

One of my favorite pictures from a photo shoot promoting our women’s retreat at church. These are three of my closest friends. Just looking at this makes my heart swell up with gratitude and a smile come to my lips. I love you, ladies!

We got a fresh blanket of snow a week or so ago. Everything was brilliantly white. Living in the Mount Washington Valley offers us many opportunities to stand silently amazed at the beauty God has created.

I’m blessed to be able to take Patches (aka Shrimpy) to work with me. Well, most days I consider it a blessing. Some days it’s just a plain nuisance. Anyway… this particular day – after the storm had painted our valley in white – I was letting her out the back door of the office. Now that it’s colder, I often just open the door, let her out, and watch her through the glass.

After a bit of prompting, she ventured out into the newly fallen powder… tentatively, as she doesn’t like the cold much more than I do. As I watched her tiptoe around, I noticed that her coat didn’t look as white as normal. She’s a jack russell terrior/Chihuahua mix… black and white. Ask anyone about her coloring and that’s just how they would describe her… black and white.

But against the backdrop of pure white snow, the true color of her fur became apparent. She’s not really black and white… she’s black and kind-of-white… or even yellow. The SNOW was white. Bright white. Magnificently white. Truly white.

“’Come now, let us reason together,’ says the LORD. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.’” (Isaiah 1:18)

“Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” (Psalm 51:7)

As I watched the dog shivering in the snow that day, I thought of the times I have tried to “do” righteously. As Christians, we would never say we think we have to earn our salvation… we know it’s a free gift, given by the Father, through the Son. Yet even as we quote chapter and verse from the Scriptures about how “it is by grace” we have been saved, “through faith, and this not from” ourselves (Eph. 2:8), deep down inside, we lose sight of that and begin relying on our service for validation… for approval… for a sense that we’re “ok”.

Maybe I’m the only one, but I know I’ve been guilty of getting caught up in “ministry” and placing more stock in the things I do than in Whose I am. Not all the time… but allowing myself to slip into that mentality at all is something I’d like to avoid. Nothing I do will ever qualify me for salvation. Only His blood can do that for me.  All of my righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). It’s a yellow coat, next to His perfect purity. It doesn’t even come close to the perfection that He is… that He offers.

What a divine paradox… having a robe washed white in the blood of the Lamb (Rev. 7:14). I’ve always been a fan of fairytales… and I love playing Snow White!

One of my favorite things to do during the Christmas season is to sit by the light of the tree. I love to cozy up and settle in just before dark. Something I took note of this year was that as it grew darker around me, the lights on the tree shone brighter.

The lights on the tree grew in intensity with each passing moment. The less light from other sources, the more brilliantly those little bulbs on the tree sparkled.  There was nothing in the makeup of the lights that caused them to grow stronger… it was just that the environment around them changed. As the room grew darker, minus the light of the sun and other lamps, the bulbs on the tree seemed to rise up and shine.

How I pray my life would be like those lights.

See, there was another tree. It was adorned with an amazing Light — One that shone brighter than any other. In Him there is no darkness at all (1 John 1:5). It doesn’t get any brighter than that. He hung on that tree — the cross of Calvary — and as a result, decorated my life with His grace and love. By the Light of that tree, I have been made new. My heart of stone has been replaced with a heart of flesh… one that seeks after Him alone. He is my heart’s desire.

The Light of the World lives in me. I have no more or less of him today than I had yesterday, last month, or a year ago. Yet the world around me is constantly changing. It seems that the cultural fabric of our world is sliding hopelessly further and further away from the godly principles our nation was founded on. Evil abounds, and things that were once considered unconscionable are now commonplace.  I pray that as the darkness increases (and Scripture makes it clear that it will continue to do just that), the light of Christ in me will shine even brighter.

Light, by it’s very nature, dispels the darkness. There should be a stark contrast between my life and the ways of this world… like night and day. Father, make it so in my life! I want to shine for You… to bring You glory and honor, and to point the way to Christ, just as that star in the East led the wise men to Him… and may we all be led to the tree that held the Light of life.

“ Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life…” (Philippians 2:14-16a)

“You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.  Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:14-16)

“The people who walked in darkness
      Have seen a great light;
      Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death,
      Upon them a light has shined.” (Isaiah 9:2)

*****************************************

“ Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

It’s hard for me to believe that Thanksgiving is merely days away. The past month has been so intense for me, and for my family, and the days have flown by in a whirlwind.   

In October, doctors discovered a large tumor growing in my husband’s spinal column. Thanksgiving will mark exactly one month (to the day) since we were given a positive diagnosis of lymphoma. The ironic timing of that brings a smile to my lips. In spite of cancer rearing its ugly head in our life in a huge way, we have been incredibly blessed, and we have so much to be thankful for!  

We have experienced the love, support, and prayers of family, friends, co-workers, clients, and church family (and even people we didn’t know KNEW us!) in ways we never could have imagined just a month ago. We have been overwhelmed by the care and concern of our entire community, and the Lord’s hand touching our lives, and we have been amazed and humbled by it all.  

In just a few short weeks, we have learned so much. We’ve learned about cancer, chemo therapy and blood cell counts. We’ve learned that our family is stronger than we ever knew. We’ve learned that the Lord provides for us in the most marvelous and unexpected ways. We’ve learned that when crisis hits, people come together and surround those affected in an embrace of warmth and comfort so deep that it defies comprehension. We’ve learned that compassion is an art, and that the pictures it paints decorate the halls of our hearts with beautiful shades of strength, encouragement and love.  

We have personally discovered the life-changing truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9:

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

The Lord has been whispering so many things to my heart during this time… teaching me so many things. Some of them I can’t even express in words yet, but like Mary, I’m treasuring them up in my heart. And maybe that’s as it should be. Perhaps some of these things were intended specifically for me alone, and not even meant to be shared. I think there’s something sacred in that. But I am reveling in His presence and provision just the same. I am my Beloved’s and He is mine, and His banner over me is definitely love!

My family is seeing Thanksgiving from an entirely new perspective this year. We’re not focused on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, a delicious meal, and football (although we’re looking forward to all those things!), but rather we are embracing the opportunity to give thanks for a bounty that stretches beyond measure.  Not that we don’t always focus on the Lord and give Him thanks, but it seems that the things we have to be thankful for this year are so extreme and glorious that it has our hearts bursting with joy and gratitude. Everything… every feeling, every reflection… is magnified under the microscope of His goodness and faithfulness. He is worthy of so much more than our humble thanks, and yet He accepts our meager offering graciously and gives of Himself even more extravagantly in return. What an absolutely amazing Father we have!

Our prayer for you is that you will experience the grip of His grace this Thanksgiving. That you will view His provision with wonder and awe. May your day be filled with the laughter and love of family and friends, and special moments in which you catch a glimpse of memories in the making, and His glory revealed.

Grace and peace… from our house to yours!

 

We’re working our way through “The Truth Project” during our Wednesday night Bible Study. Dr. Del Tackett is leading us through a journey of just what it means to have a biblical worldview, and so far, the trip has been thought provoking and exciting. Developed by Focus on the Family, this series of teachings is inspiring us to look at our impact on the world around us. Do our lives have eternal significance here on planet earth? They should!

In my tabernacle study today, this quote screamed at me: “To be called to a generation [and Scripture makes it clear that before the foundations of the earth, we were called to be His, and He prepared works for us to do] means we have to be relevant in it.” At the core (to me, anyway), that’s what The Truth Project is all about. Recognizing that we are here for a purpose, and that purpose is to glorify God and make a difference in this crazy world for Him. Guess He wants me to get this, huh?

Last night we talked about transformation. Romans 12:2 says this:

 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

 The word for transformed is “metamorphoo”, has the basic meaning of changing into another form. It’s not a superficial fluctuation of fashion or conduct, but a vital change, revealing a new life. Think butterfly… and it’s metamorphosis. Growing up we used to sing a song called “Bullfrogs & Butterflies”. Ever heard it? The major line of the chorus was “bullfrogs & butterflies… they’ve both been born again.” This concept wasn’t new to me. But some of the details that were brought out through our discussions last night were.

Like this… the caterpillar has to enter that cocoon to experience transformation. It has to be shut off from the world, as it knew it, and then it undergoes this incredible change. One of our homeschooling dads pointed out that it literally becomes this mushy thing inside the cocoon. It doesn’t even remotely resemble what it was before… it’s just a blob of goo, which then becomes the butterfly.

When I come to Christ, there is a moment in time when everything I have known has to be left behind. He brings such newness of life and something so drastically different from anything I’ve known before… and I have to be willing to turn my back on the familiar and enter this cocoon of His making, whatever it looks like for me, so that He can have His way with me. I can’t cling to my old rigid form, but must allow myself to be reduced to a substance that is pliable, moldable… much like the blob the caterpillar must become before it can reach its full potential as a butterfly… before it can reach the point where it can be all the Lord created it to be.

My guess is that the caterpillar never expected to be able to soar through the air. It probably resented being confined in the cocoon, and experienced the changes to its body with a mixture of fear and wonder. Kind of like me, as I watch the Lord bring circumstances into my life that seem so difficult, and unlike anything I would have chosen for myself (or my loved ones – cancer, anyone?) Yet I have the advantage of knowing the One who is at work. I trust Him. And while the process may be bothersome, and painful, and even HARD… and I watch with a mixture of fear and wonder at what the Lord is doing in my life, I know with all my heart that He is watching out for me. Past experience has taught me that He will bring about a change in me that goes beyond anything I could have imagined… that He will give me the ability to soar through the storms and that He will create something beautiful that I never could have imagined up for myself. His dreams for me are so much bigger than my own. I’m thankful.

Here’s to waiting on the Lord, and, as my strength is exchanged for His, to soaring on eagle’s wings.

Carried along by His Spirit,

“Thank God.” Such simple words, but what profound truth is in them… what power!

Yesterday I left the hospital to see if I could scrounge up some yarn and knitting needles. I figured if we’re going to be stuck here for a while, I might as well get started on some Christmas presents, right? Long story short, after a stressful hour at AC Moore not finding what I needed (could have had something to do with my state of mind), I just dropped my basket of yarn and left. Driving home, my mind was running through different scenarios. I was imagining the oncologist sitting with us and giving us a diagnosis of lymphoma. I could see myself crying over and over, “Thank God… Thank God.” No sooner did those words run through my mind than I rounded a corner and there was a church sign, blank but for the words “Thank God”. The floodgates opened and the tears flowed. Not that it was a sign that the biopsy results would come back as we hope, but the knowledge that whatever the results… we will thank God.

^“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name” . . . (Hebrews 13:15)

I’m thanking the Lord today for a husband who is on fire for Him. He is seriously shouting the praises of our God, to anyone who will listen. This morning an aid was in here cleaning the room and Joel was on the phone with a brother in Christ. He intentionally steered their conversation to talk of faith, and grace, and salvation… knowing that the aid was listening to every word. As I type this, he is on the phone next to me, tearfully praying with a client who doesn’t know the Lord. Jesus in Joel ROCKS. I thank God for him!

I’m thanking the Lord for children who are being so strong and supportive, even though they’re dealing with their own pain and fear. Jessica, you have been handed a huge burden in caring for your siblings, not to mention the countless other errands and responsibilities we have asked you to handle. And you shine, my love! Jasmine, you are such a joy and a breath of fresh air to us. Your optimism and constant smiles keep us smiling when it would be easier to cry. You’re so special, angel! Sweet Noah… your prayer for me the other night blessed me so much. That you could comfort ME, when as a mother, I should be comforting you… it says so much about the young man you’re becoming and your heart for others. Do you realize that prayer made you a “minister” the other night? You’re my favorite boy in the whole wide world! The three of you together make an incredible team. Hang in there and keep loving on each other. Remember our talk last night… let God use you to help each other. We are so proud of each of you, and we love you beyond measure. We thank God for you!

I’m thanking the Lord for our family and friends. You have been showering us with the love of God, and supporting us in ways that we couldn’t have even imagined we needed. Yet each thing you do, or say, or pray… has been perfect. From bringing us clothes (and financial help), to caring for our children, providing meals and groceries, visiting, sharing words of encouragement, prayer vigils, and a million other things that we probably don’t even know about. Christ in you is beautiful and we will never forget the love you have shown to us during this difficult time. Your response has awakened in us the realization that we do not do nearly enough for others. Seeing the way you have so selfLESSly given of your time, and yourselves, even, has motivated us to give more generously ourselves in the future, to listen more intently, to reach out more readily, and to love more deeply. You have been Jesus to us, and through you, He has stirred us up to be MORE. We thank God for each and every one of you!

Mostly, we thank Him for Who He is.  Amazing. Utterly unfathomable. Immeasurable love. Unending faithfulness. Savior.

Do you know Him? Do you know that you know that you know… That there is a God who loves you so much He sent His Son to die on a cross as payment for you sin? That through that sacrifice, He offered the only way for man to come to God? That if you seek Him with your whole heart, He has promised that you will find Him? We pray that in some small way, through us, you will see a glimpse of the Lord that we love. The One who is holding all of our days in His hand, and who holds our hearts as well. If you have any questions about Him at all… or our faith… please ask us. We would LOVE to sit and talk with you about who this Jesus is and what He means to us… what He can do for YOU. We love you all!

Joel & Heather

Thank you all for your prayers for Joel… for our family. I thought it would be good to give you a rundown of information all in one place so you would understand how we got to where we are. It’s difficult to piece it altogether from the separate posts on facebook. While I’m very thankful to have a great way to get information out quickly, it’s difficult if you’re coming in halfway through. So…. *deep breath*

This past summer, Joel took a spill while he and Noah were out biking. He landed on the pavement, on his shoulder. We thought he might have broken a rib, but since they don’t really do anything for that, he opted to skip the doc and let it heal.

The pain continued through the summer, and at one point, Joel wondered if it wasn’t a heart issue, rather than a rib. He started wearing his nitro around his neck again, and took a pill when the pain came on. It didn’t stop it, just gave him a bad headache… so he knew it wasn’t that.

About three weeks ago, the pain escalated. Joel went to see his primary care physician, who told him it was muscular and prescribed a muscle relaxer and hydrocodone. After about a week, he felt worse, not better. He went back to see Dr. Hubble (Frank) on Wednesday of last week and he thought maybe his back was out of whack, so he did some “adjustments” (think chiropractor-like stuff), and sent him home, telling him he should feel better in a day or two.

By Saturday, Joel was in excruciating pain. He went back to see Frank, who gave him valium (as a muscle relaxer) and oxycodone, a stronger narcotic. He also did a chest xray. In looking at the xray, Frank asked Joel when he was going to quit smoking. He hasn’t smoked in 30 years. The xray appeared to show the lungs of a seasoned smoker. Weird. Frank said he’d send the xray to Boston to be read, and told Joel it looked as though he had two fractured vertebrae.

Joel continued to work this whole time. On Tuesday of this past week, he called me at work and said he needed me to come pick him up. The pain had been so severe he had taken a second dose of the narcotic, and it made him sick. He was sleeping on a cot in the nurse’s office at the elementary school he was working at. The school administrator explained to me what had happened and was very concerned for Joel. My coworker drove Joel’s car back to my office and I drove Joel straight to the medical clinic.

Frank ordered a CT scan. That took place on Thursday. Within an hour of leaving the hospital, another doctor from Saco River called and told Joel he needed to call an ambulance immediately and go to the hospital. The CT scan revealed a tissue mass encasing his spinal column. The fear was that it would touch his spinal cord and paralyze him. They said he needed emergency surgery to cut the tissue away from his spine.

When I finally got to Memorial Hospital, they already had Joel strapped to a back board and wearing a neck brace. The doctor on call told me that while they couldn’t be certain without a biopsy, it looked like Joel had non-hodgkins lymphoma. While not good, it’s treatable and he should be fine. Joel’s PCP also told me that his lungs are actually clear. The cloudiness they had thought was lung damage was actually the tissue mass, behind his lungs. The mass is attached to his spinal column and wraps around his rib cage.

After a horrible ambulance ride for Joel, he arrived at Maine Medical Center where a neurosurgeon looked at the CT pictures and told us the mass, while attached to the spinal column, was NOT in immediate danger of reaching the spinal chord (meaning he didn’t have to have surgery right away). He said that he suspected we needed an oncologist more than we needed his services.

Thursday night they did an MRI that took two hours, and then another CT
 scan in the morning. From those pictures they learned where to take the biopsy. That was done around 3pm on Friday. The results will take a few days to come back. We won’t have them until Monday or Tuesday.

The initial findings (although without the actual test results, these are merely guesses) are that it is either lymphoma or myloma. If it’s lymphoma, it responds well to chemo and radiation, and the prognosis is good. If it’s myloma, things get complicated. This would not respond to treatments well, so surgery would be required. The surgery would be extensive and risky, because the tissue mass is so close to the spinal column. Paralysis is a concern. They would have to go in, cut the tissue away from the spinal column, put in some pins and plates and other things I can’t remember right now, and then he would have chemo and radiation after, as an added measure.

Whoever thought I’d be praying for my husband to be diagnosed with lymphoma?

That’s where we’re at right now. If the result is lymphoma, this coming week will involve lots of testing (some difficult – bone marrow, spinal tap, etc), and then a surgery to put in a port for treatments, and then his first treatment before we go home. That would put us home the end of this week at the very earliest. If the surgery is required, then we’re looking at a completely different (and longer) time frame… one I’m not ready to think about yet.

There is still a miniscule chance that the biopsy will test negative for cancer. How wonderful would that be? Our God is mighty enough to accomplish that… if it’s his will. Being a huge believer in God’s sovereignty is a double edged sword. As I told Pastor Bob this afternoon, it’s comforting to know that God is in control. He’s not surprised by this place we find ourselves in. At the same time, because I know of His sovereignty, it scares me, because I know that His plan is not always what I would prefer. I know full well that His will trumps my fleshly desires regarding the outcome of this biopsy. That’s hard. I know He’s good and faithful and kind. I’m thankful for that. I know that if His plan is not what we would hope for, that He will sustain us through whatever the future holds, but there are still moments where I am just overwhelmed at where we are today, and thoughts of where we could be six months from now. Yet not our will, but His be done. I recently told a dear friend that the center of God’s will is always the best place to b. even when it’s difficult.

In the meantime, we’re looking for ways to bring glory to God, moment by moment. We are purposefully seeking opportunities to point others to Christ. In every interaction we have, whether it’s loved ones visiting, a doctor doing an exam, or the cashier taking our money in the cafeteria… we want our words and actions to have an eternal impact and bring glory to our Father in Heaven. I am in awe of Jesus in my husband. He is speaking Christ to everyone around him with tearful passion. He is seizing every chance he gets to share His Savior with anyone who will listen. He is on FIRE, and it’s incredible to witness. It makes me think of Jeremiah’s words:  “…but His word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” (Jer. 20:9) I’m blessed beyond measure by his example. We were talking last night about how we wish it didn’t take having our world come crashing down like this to give us such a passion for sharing Christ with others. But here we are, and so we press on. It has been an absolute joy to watch my husband do that. I’m in awe of Jesus in him. It’s moving, and amazing, and absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  

We continue to covet your prayers, and will keep you updated as much as possible. Thank you all so much for your love and support… demonstrated in so many different ways. Our hearts are filled to overflowing with gratitude and love for each of you. We’re humbled and in awe of Christ as we sit on the receiving end of His ministry to us, through you all. Words will never be enough to describe it, even for someone who loves words as much as I do.  God bless you all!