We’re working our way through “The Truth Project” during our Wednesday night Bible Study. Dr. Del Tackett is leading us through a journey of just what it means to have a biblical worldview, and so far, the trip has been thought provoking and exciting. Developed by Focus on the Family, this series of teachings is inspiring us to look at our impact on the world around us. Do our lives have eternal significance here on planet earth? They should!

In my tabernacle study today, this quote screamed at me: “To be called to a generation [and Scripture makes it clear that before the foundations of the earth, we were called to be His, and He prepared works for us to do] means we have to be relevant in it.” At the core (to me, anyway), that’s what The Truth Project is all about. Recognizing that we are here for a purpose, and that purpose is to glorify God and make a difference in this crazy world for Him. Guess He wants me to get this, huh?

Last night we talked about transformation. Romans 12:2 says this:

 “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

 The word for transformed is “metamorphoo”, has the basic meaning of changing into another form. It’s not a superficial fluctuation of fashion or conduct, but a vital change, revealing a new life. Think butterfly… and it’s metamorphosis. Growing up we used to sing a song called “Bullfrogs & Butterflies”. Ever heard it? The major line of the chorus was “bullfrogs & butterflies… they’ve both been born again.” This concept wasn’t new to me. But some of the details that were brought out through our discussions last night were.

Like this… the caterpillar has to enter that cocoon to experience transformation. It has to be shut off from the world, as it knew it, and then it undergoes this incredible change. One of our homeschooling dads pointed out that it literally becomes this mushy thing inside the cocoon. It doesn’t even remotely resemble what it was before… it’s just a blob of goo, which then becomes the butterfly.

When I come to Christ, there is a moment in time when everything I have known has to be left behind. He brings such newness of life and something so drastically different from anything I’ve known before… and I have to be willing to turn my back on the familiar and enter this cocoon of His making, whatever it looks like for me, so that He can have His way with me. I can’t cling to my old rigid form, but must allow myself to be reduced to a substance that is pliable, moldable… much like the blob the caterpillar must become before it can reach its full potential as a butterfly… before it can reach the point where it can be all the Lord created it to be.

My guess is that the caterpillar never expected to be able to soar through the air. It probably resented being confined in the cocoon, and experienced the changes to its body with a mixture of fear and wonder. Kind of like me, as I watch the Lord bring circumstances into my life that seem so difficult, and unlike anything I would have chosen for myself (or my loved ones – cancer, anyone?) Yet I have the advantage of knowing the One who is at work. I trust Him. And while the process may be bothersome, and painful, and even HARD… and I watch with a mixture of fear and wonder at what the Lord is doing in my life, I know with all my heart that He is watching out for me. Past experience has taught me that He will bring about a change in me that goes beyond anything I could have imagined… that He will give me the ability to soar through the storms and that He will create something beautiful that I never could have imagined up for myself. His dreams for me are so much bigger than my own. I’m thankful.

Here’s to waiting on the Lord, and, as my strength is exchanged for His, to soaring on eagle’s wings.

Carried along by His Spirit,

“Thank God.” Such simple words, but what profound truth is in them… what power!

Yesterday I left the hospital to see if I could scrounge up some yarn and knitting needles. I figured if we’re going to be stuck here for a while, I might as well get started on some Christmas presents, right? Long story short, after a stressful hour at AC Moore not finding what I needed (could have had something to do with my state of mind), I just dropped my basket of yarn and left. Driving home, my mind was running through different scenarios. I was imagining the oncologist sitting with us and giving us a diagnosis of lymphoma. I could see myself crying over and over, “Thank God… Thank God.” No sooner did those words run through my mind than I rounded a corner and there was a church sign, blank but for the words “Thank God”. The floodgates opened and the tears flowed. Not that it was a sign that the biopsy results would come back as we hope, but the knowledge that whatever the results… we will thank God.

^“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name” . . . (Hebrews 13:15)

I’m thanking the Lord today for a husband who is on fire for Him. He is seriously shouting the praises of our God, to anyone who will listen. This morning an aid was in here cleaning the room and Joel was on the phone with a brother in Christ. He intentionally steered their conversation to talk of faith, and grace, and salvation… knowing that the aid was listening to every word. As I type this, he is on the phone next to me, tearfully praying with a client who doesn’t know the Lord. Jesus in Joel ROCKS. I thank God for him!

I’m thanking the Lord for children who are being so strong and supportive, even though they’re dealing with their own pain and fear. Jessica, you have been handed a huge burden in caring for your siblings, not to mention the countless other errands and responsibilities we have asked you to handle. And you shine, my love! Jasmine, you are such a joy and a breath of fresh air to us. Your optimism and constant smiles keep us smiling when it would be easier to cry. You’re so special, angel! Sweet Noah… your prayer for me the other night blessed me so much. That you could comfort ME, when as a mother, I should be comforting you… it says so much about the young man you’re becoming and your heart for others. Do you realize that prayer made you a “minister” the other night? You’re my favorite boy in the whole wide world! The three of you together make an incredible team. Hang in there and keep loving on each other. Remember our talk last night… let God use you to help each other. We are so proud of each of you, and we love you beyond measure. We thank God for you!

I’m thanking the Lord for our family and friends. You have been showering us with the love of God, and supporting us in ways that we couldn’t have even imagined we needed. Yet each thing you do, or say, or pray… has been perfect. From bringing us clothes (and financial help), to caring for our children, providing meals and groceries, visiting, sharing words of encouragement, prayer vigils, and a million other things that we probably don’t even know about. Christ in you is beautiful and we will never forget the love you have shown to us during this difficult time. Your response has awakened in us the realization that we do not do nearly enough for others. Seeing the way you have so selfLESSly given of your time, and yourselves, even, has motivated us to give more generously ourselves in the future, to listen more intently, to reach out more readily, and to love more deeply. You have been Jesus to us, and through you, He has stirred us up to be MORE. We thank God for each and every one of you!

Mostly, we thank Him for Who He is.  Amazing. Utterly unfathomable. Immeasurable love. Unending faithfulness. Savior.

Do you know Him? Do you know that you know that you know… That there is a God who loves you so much He sent His Son to die on a cross as payment for you sin? That through that sacrifice, He offered the only way for man to come to God? That if you seek Him with your whole heart, He has promised that you will find Him? We pray that in some small way, through us, you will see a glimpse of the Lord that we love. The One who is holding all of our days in His hand, and who holds our hearts as well. If you have any questions about Him at all… or our faith… please ask us. We would LOVE to sit and talk with you about who this Jesus is and what He means to us… what He can do for YOU. We love you all!

Joel & Heather

Thank you all for your prayers for Joel… for our family. I thought it would be good to give you a rundown of information all in one place so you would understand how we got to where we are. It’s difficult to piece it altogether from the separate posts on facebook. While I’m very thankful to have a great way to get information out quickly, it’s difficult if you’re coming in halfway through. So…. *deep breath*

This past summer, Joel took a spill while he and Noah were out biking. He landed on the pavement, on his shoulder. We thought he might have broken a rib, but since they don’t really do anything for that, he opted to skip the doc and let it heal.

The pain continued through the summer, and at one point, Joel wondered if it wasn’t a heart issue, rather than a rib. He started wearing his nitro around his neck again, and took a pill when the pain came on. It didn’t stop it, just gave him a bad headache… so he knew it wasn’t that.

About three weeks ago, the pain escalated. Joel went to see his primary care physician, who told him it was muscular and prescribed a muscle relaxer and hydrocodone. After about a week, he felt worse, not better. He went back to see Dr. Hubble (Frank) on Wednesday of last week and he thought maybe his back was out of whack, so he did some “adjustments” (think chiropractor-like stuff), and sent him home, telling him he should feel better in a day or two.

By Saturday, Joel was in excruciating pain. He went back to see Frank, who gave him valium (as a muscle relaxer) and oxycodone, a stronger narcotic. He also did a chest xray. In looking at the xray, Frank asked Joel when he was going to quit smoking. He hasn’t smoked in 30 years. The xray appeared to show the lungs of a seasoned smoker. Weird. Frank said he’d send the xray to Boston to be read, and told Joel it looked as though he had two fractured vertebrae.

Joel continued to work this whole time. On Tuesday of this past week, he called me at work and said he needed me to come pick him up. The pain had been so severe he had taken a second dose of the narcotic, and it made him sick. He was sleeping on a cot in the nurse’s office at the elementary school he was working at. The school administrator explained to me what had happened and was very concerned for Joel. My coworker drove Joel’s car back to my office and I drove Joel straight to the medical clinic.

Frank ordered a CT scan. That took place on Thursday. Within an hour of leaving the hospital, another doctor from Saco River called and told Joel he needed to call an ambulance immediately and go to the hospital. The CT scan revealed a tissue mass encasing his spinal column. The fear was that it would touch his spinal cord and paralyze him. They said he needed emergency surgery to cut the tissue away from his spine.

When I finally got to Memorial Hospital, they already had Joel strapped to a back board and wearing a neck brace. The doctor on call told me that while they couldn’t be certain without a biopsy, it looked like Joel had non-hodgkins lymphoma. While not good, it’s treatable and he should be fine. Joel’s PCP also told me that his lungs are actually clear. The cloudiness they had thought was lung damage was actually the tissue mass, behind his lungs. The mass is attached to his spinal column and wraps around his rib cage.

After a horrible ambulance ride for Joel, he arrived at Maine Medical Center where a neurosurgeon looked at the CT pictures and told us the mass, while attached to the spinal column, was NOT in immediate danger of reaching the spinal chord (meaning he didn’t have to have surgery right away). He said that he suspected we needed an oncologist more than we needed his services.

Thursday night they did an MRI that took two hours, and then another CT
 scan in the morning. From those pictures they learned where to take the biopsy. That was done around 3pm on Friday. The results will take a few days to come back. We won’t have them until Monday or Tuesday.

The initial findings (although without the actual test results, these are merely guesses) are that it is either lymphoma or myloma. If it’s lymphoma, it responds well to chemo and radiation, and the prognosis is good. If it’s myloma, things get complicated. This would not respond to treatments well, so surgery would be required. The surgery would be extensive and risky, because the tissue mass is so close to the spinal column. Paralysis is a concern. They would have to go in, cut the tissue away from the spinal column, put in some pins and plates and other things I can’t remember right now, and then he would have chemo and radiation after, as an added measure.

Whoever thought I’d be praying for my husband to be diagnosed with lymphoma?

That’s where we’re at right now. If the result is lymphoma, this coming week will involve lots of testing (some difficult – bone marrow, spinal tap, etc), and then a surgery to put in a port for treatments, and then his first treatment before we go home. That would put us home the end of this week at the very earliest. If the surgery is required, then we’re looking at a completely different (and longer) time frame… one I’m not ready to think about yet.

There is still a miniscule chance that the biopsy will test negative for cancer. How wonderful would that be? Our God is mighty enough to accomplish that… if it’s his will. Being a huge believer in God’s sovereignty is a double edged sword. As I told Pastor Bob this afternoon, it’s comforting to know that God is in control. He’s not surprised by this place we find ourselves in. At the same time, because I know of His sovereignty, it scares me, because I know that His plan is not always what I would prefer. I know full well that His will trumps my fleshly desires regarding the outcome of this biopsy. That’s hard. I know He’s good and faithful and kind. I’m thankful for that. I know that if His plan is not what we would hope for, that He will sustain us through whatever the future holds, but there are still moments where I am just overwhelmed at where we are today, and thoughts of where we could be six months from now. Yet not our will, but His be done. I recently told a dear friend that the center of God’s will is always the best place to b. even when it’s difficult.

In the meantime, we’re looking for ways to bring glory to God, moment by moment. We are purposefully seeking opportunities to point others to Christ. In every interaction we have, whether it’s loved ones visiting, a doctor doing an exam, or the cashier taking our money in the cafeteria… we want our words and actions to have an eternal impact and bring glory to our Father in Heaven. I am in awe of Jesus in my husband. He is speaking Christ to everyone around him with tearful passion. He is seizing every chance he gets to share His Savior with anyone who will listen. He is on FIRE, and it’s incredible to witness. It makes me think of Jeremiah’s words:  “…but His word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” (Jer. 20:9) I’m blessed beyond measure by his example. We were talking last night about how we wish it didn’t take having our world come crashing down like this to give us such a passion for sharing Christ with others. But here we are, and so we press on. It has been an absolute joy to watch my husband do that. I’m in awe of Jesus in him. It’s moving, and amazing, and absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  

We continue to covet your prayers, and will keep you updated as much as possible. Thank you all so much for your love and support… demonstrated in so many different ways. Our hearts are filled to overflowing with gratitude and love for each of you. We’re humbled and in awe of Christ as we sit on the receiving end of His ministry to us, through you all. Words will never be enough to describe it, even for someone who loves words as much as I do.  God bless you all!

It’s 10:47pm, and there’s not a soul within earshot. I’m sitting in an MRI waiting room at Maine Medical Center. After hours of company (which we’ve cherished), I’m completely alone. A couple of great guys in blue scrubs have taken my husband off for an hour and a half procedure and here I sit.

I can hear the hum of the heating system (or is it air conditioning?), and a small television set is droning on about some college football star who’s just died.  This morning, I would have listened with interest. Tonight, I can’t decide if the sound of the TV is irritating or comforting. I feel frozen in this chair, unable to even make a move to lean over and shut it off. I feel completely incapable of making any decisions, even something as simple as whether or not I want to listen to a television.

I’m scared. I don’t say that lightly. I don’t scare easily, and I’ve been through some frightening stuff in my life. I nearly lost a four year old daughter to a fire. I’ve paced in the cardiac waiting room on four separate occasions as my husband had stents put in his heart. I’ve prayed and worshiped with friends at the bedside of their loved ones as they were ushered into the Kingdom. Typically, in crisis, I’m the stable one. I’m the rock. I’m the voice of optimism and complete trust in the Lord.

But tonight? Tonight I’m a mess. I can’t eat, even though my stomach is screaming in protest over that fact. I can’t think clearly. My head is pounding and my mind is racing. Tonight, I’m the one keeled over in emotional pain, desperately wanting someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok, but knowing that I won’t find comfort or believe it when they say it anyway.

It’s not that I don’t believe God can work miracles. I know He can. I’ve been on the receiving end of so many. He has always been faithful in my life, and I know He always will be. I just don’t know what that’s going to look like.

Because I also know His sovereignty, and I know that He allows hard things… really hard things, to come into our lives. So while I know He COULD make all of this better in an instant, I also know that He might not. And that’s what scares me. I know He will be faithful through this, whatever it ends up being and meaning for me, for us… but I know that His faithfulness doesn’t necessarily mean delivering me from my circumstances. It doesn’t mean that the MRI is going to come back clean and that the fibrous tissue surrounding Joel’s rib cage and spinal cord is going to magically disappear in the next hour and a half. It doesn’t mean the biopsy they take tomorrow is going to prove negative for cancer when so many other signs point to that conclusion.

Angioplasty? Open heart surgery? Been there, done that, could write a book for the wives waiting in the lobby… but this cancer thing? It is rocking me to the core. I don’t know how to deal with it. How to process it. How to wrap my mind around it.

 So instead I’m wrapping myself up in the promises of the One who holds my days in His hands.

 

Psalm 18:2 “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Psalm 36:7 “How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”

Psalm 37:23-24 “The steps of a man are established by the LORD, when he delights in his way;  though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong, for the LORD upholds his hand.”

Psalm 40:11 “As for you, O LORD, you will not restrain your mercy from me; your steadfast love and your faithfulness will ever preserve me!”

I still don’t know what the future holds. We could be handed a gift tomorrow, or some news that will change things completely… but as I drench myself in the water of the Word, I’m blanketed with comfort.  The Lord God Almighty is my deliverer. He is my strength and my refuge. He is in control and He has my best interests (and those of my family) at heart. His heart is the safest place to be. So whatever comes, I choose to trust Him. I have no better refuge in this current storm than His everlasting arms… and if I collapse? I won’t need to be caught, because I’m already firmly held in His loving grasp.

I’ll post again when I have new information. Thank you for your sweet intercession. We covet your prayers and appreciate and love you all more than you’ll ever know. The passage I studied earlier this week about Aaron and Hur holding up Moses’ hands so the Lord could deliver victory has taken on fresh meaning for me this day. The love, concern and support shown to us in the span of just a few hours when everything was happening so fast… it was (and continues to be) an incredible source of encouragement and strength. God bless you… each and every one of you. We love you!

“We do not have an Ipod God. His truths are not meant to be shuffled around and skipped when we don’t particularly care for them.”

 

 

 

I love this quote I heard preached in a message yesterday. How true!

Truth is not relative. I’s not selective. It doesn’t change from person to person. We take the whole truth, or none of it. The Lord never intended for us to pick and choose which passages of His Word we would take to heart, and which we would choose to ignore. He intended for ALL of it to be heard… and lived.

“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Tim. 3:16-17)

“For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” (Heb. 4:12)

His Word is reliable. It never changes. It stands forever. I’m grateful to have something I can count on in this world where nothing seems stable.

Besides, who wants a God that can be manipulated and contained? My God is sovereign. He’s in control. And I, for one, am happy of that.

October is a beautiful month here in the Northeast. Splashes of color can be found everywhere. It’s as if all of nature is rising together to put on one last spectacular hurrah before heading into a season of slumber. I have always loved the brilliant beauty of Autumn in New England, but never really thought about what causes it. I knew it had something to do with temperatures, but that’s about it. Recently I read an article at www.visitnewengland.com that described what’s behind the dazzling display. Check this out…

 

These color changes are caused by transformations in leaf pigments, primarily the green pigment chlorophyll. During summer, the leaves of trees are producing sugar from carbon dioxide and water by the workings of light and chlorophyll. Chlorophyll causes the leaves to appear green.

 

The shorter days and cool nights of autumn set off changes in the tree. One is the growth of a corky membrane at the base of the leaf stem, which interrupts the flow of nutrients into the leaf. This stops the production of chlorophyll in the leaf, and the green color of the leaf fades, allowing the reds, oranges and yellows to burst forth. The best autumn colors are produced when dry, sunny days are followed by cool, dry nights. 

 

 

So something blocks the chlorophyll getting into the leaves, and then they turn this beautiful color as they’re dying. Interesting, isn’t it? Doesn’t it make you smile to think of a God who created such an intricate process?

Even in death, He brings forth beauty.

Picture with me a lonely hill called Golgotha, the Place of the Skull. The shadow of a cross raised centuries ago stretches across generations, spanning the gap left by sin. Scripture tells us there was no beauty or majesty to attract us to Him (Isaiah 53:2), but oh, how beautiful the love displayed that day. Even in His most anguished moments, He cried out, “Father, forgive them… for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) And as love crucified the Rose of Sharon on that tree, He exclaimed the words that changed history: “It is finished.” My pardon was sealed in His sentence. My life and freedom were secured by His death. And it was ugly… and it was beautiful!

How am I to respond to that?

 

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it.” (Mark 8:34-35)

“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Gal. 2:20)

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.” (Rom. 12:1)

“May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Gal. 6:14)

 

Father, You have called me. You have given so much for me. Let me never take lightly the price paid for my redemption. I seek to give You all of myself, here and now. Every part of me… the good, the bad, the ugly. Teach me how to truly live a crucified life, Lord, so Your beauty can shine through. May Your grace in my life be displayed so vividly that it draw others to You with it’s brilliance and loveliness. Just as the leaves of the trees in Autumn, I want to explode with the colors of Your love and mercy. Let me be a vessel showcasing Your majesty to a world that so desperately needs to taste and see that You are SO good! I’m a mess, Lord. I stumble, I fall, and I truly am nothing without You. But more and more You show me that my brokenness is exactly what You seek from me, and that in humility and recognition of my weakness and imperfection in the face of Your utter strength and holiness… that’s where I find the Truth. Thank You for the death that brought so much beauty into my life. Empty me of myself and fill me with Your Spirit, that I might die to self and live for You, my precious King. I love You so.

 

 

 

Like many families in the area, we recently enjoyed some outings to the Fryeburg Fair. It comes to town once a year, and let me tell you, it is a big to-do! We all have our own reasons for loving the fair. The kids love the Midway, with all the rides and carnival games. Joel and I both love the food (of course), and we were blessed this year to get a day just for the two of us to go, walk the fair and enjoy each other’s company… along with many of the barns and exhibits that the children don’t particularly care about anymore. It was a wonderful day!

As we passed by a few of the rides (we avoid those at all costs, being older and less adventurous), I noticed something. Many of the lights on the rides were burnt out. They seemed rundown and shabby… not anything at all like what I remember as a child. I remember the excitement that just the sight of those cars all lit up brought. I could practically feel my heart racing as I thought back to waiting in line for my turn. It was a once-a-year spectacular event… and I couldn’t wait for it!

It occurs to me that the mechanical rides were probably just as dilapidated and rundown when I was little, but my perspective was completely different. I saw it through the wonder-struck eyes of a child, instead of the skeptical, critical eyes of a mature woman (one with babies to keep safe, I might add).

“Then they brought little children to Him, that He might touch them; but the disciples rebuked those who brought them.  But when Jesus saw it, He was greatly displeased and said to them, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of God. Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.’  And He took them up in His arms, laid His hands on them, and blessed them.” Mark 10:13-16

Child-like faith. It’s no wonder we become disillusioned with our walk with the Lord from time to time. As we “grow up” in our faith, sometimes we can lose that sense of excitement that we had when our faith was brand new. Jesus tells us we are to come as little children. What does that look like?

1. Children are filled with wonder. They are filled with hope. As a little girl, I didn’t see the burnt out bulbs on the bumper cars, because my eyes were trained on the ones that DID sparkle. I marveled over the tiniest things. I expected GOOD things. So when did this cynicism creep in?

If I’m to have the faith Jesus spoke of in Mark 10, I need to follow the advice given in Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.” As I meditate on THESE things, perhaps my tendency to look at things from a negative perspective will diminish. My skepticism and critical attitude will be replaced by awe and wonder at the hand of God in my life, and I will find myself engaging in thanksgiving and praise, rather than complaining despair.

2. Children are honest. Kids don’t put on airs or pretend to be something they’re not, and most times (often at seemingly inopportune times and to the chagrin of their parents), they tell it like it is. Did you know that at the root of the word “confess” in Greek [homologeo] literally means “to say the same as”? Child-like faith includes a spirit of confession… of telling it like it is. If I’m to truly come to Christ as He would have me, I need to start being honest about the sin in my life. I need to see my sin as He sees it, agree that I’m guilty, and repent of it.

1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It’s interesting to note that in the Greek, the word “confess” here is present tense. That means it’s not just a one time thing, but it’s a continual practice. And you know what? There are times that a blanket “forgive me for falling short” doesn’t cut it. If I’m going to truly repent of the sin in my life, I need to get real with the Lord and name it. “Father, I’m so sorry for bearing this grudge against my sister. Please forgive me and teach me how to move forward in love.” You can fill in the blank with anything you like… but I think it’s truly important to get specific when we’re seeking to be changed. “Help me be better” doesn’t give me any direction for how to go about turning from my sin to the Lord… but “help me let go of the bitterness I have in my heart over this particular situation” is going to focus my prayers, and also make me more attentive to the Spirit’s leading in that area. The kind of faith I’m seeking is one that holds nothing back when it’s time to ‘fess up.

3. Children are trusting. I have vivid memories of sitting in front of my Dad’s tape deck when I was 6 or 7 years old, listening to old recordings of Bill & Gloria Gaither (ok, I’m dating myself here). My parents loved the Gaithers, and we spent many hours with them and their music. It makes me smile to tell you this, but I thought my parents were close personal friends of the Gaithers. I was convinced of it. The way they talked about them made it sound as though we were all practically family. Although in a spiritual sense we are, I chuckle now as I think back over being confused at a concert that my parents didn’t want to go for coffee with Bill & Gloria once the stadium emptied. See, if I hadn’t been taught that it was the Father Himself who hung the moon, I’d have told you my Dad did it. I believed everything he said. I trusted him completely.  Children are like that. They trust. They believe.

How my Father’s heart must break sometimes when I lay my circumstances at His feet, and then quickly snatch them back up again as if He can’t possibly handle things the way I need Him to. He has given me assurance after assurance through the scriptures, and yet I still struggle with complete surrender to Him. He has proven Himself to be faithful time and time again, but my stubborn heart and foolish pride so often refuses to take Him at His Word. Oh to have the trusting heart of a child who knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that her Daddy DID hang the moon and is more than able to lovingly tend to her. “Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think, to Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (Ephesians 3:20)

So often I fear that my faith is more childish than child-like. But by His grace, He is cultivating in me, the heart of a daughter who’s eyes are fixed on the good stuff, who is straight up honest about the sin in her life and intent on turning from it, and who is leaning on the everlasting arms with all her weight, fully confident of her Father’s ability to finish the work He’s begun in her, and to work all things for her good and His glory. As I see that fleshed out in my walk, more and more every day, the sparkle of this life in Christ is increasing. The more I learn of Him, the more in awe I am of how very great He is, and how very small I am. And this ride beats anything the fair has to offer!

Driving home from the fair last night, we were captivated by the moon. It kept peeking out from behind heavy clouds, almost as if dancing. It was there, shining brightly one moment, and then hidden from view the next.

 

We were discussing how cool it looked when Noah piped up from the backseat, “Mama… wouldn’t that make a great picture for a devotional?”

I smiled to myself, wondering what he was thinking. “Why do you say that, Noah?”

“Well, it’s like life. Sometimes things happen and you think that Jesus isn’t there, but He is… right there behind the clouds. Just cuz you can’t always SEE Him, doesn’t mean He’s not there.”

Even though I hate cliches, I can’t resist: out of the mouths of babes, eh?

^“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”   (Heb. 11:1)

^“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”  (2 Cor. 4:16-18)

“We walk by faith, not by sight.” (2 Cor. 5:7)

What are you looking for today? Seen, or unseen, He has promised that we will find Him when we seek Him with our whole hearts. Rest in that knowledge today… He is there, because He promised He is – even if the clouds of life seem to hide His face. Lean your whole weight upon the God who loves you… Jehovah Shammah – the Lord is THERE.

Just ask Noah. I think he’s gonna be a blogger one day.           

 

“Seek the LORD while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near.”

I come to You, Lord, here in the early morning light. You have promised that You will draw near to those who draw near to You, and I am here, seeking You with all I have. What an honor and a privilege it is to have sweet fellowship with You! Thank You for being so present in my life, Father. For being so faithful.

“Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; Let him return to the LORD, and He will have mercy on him; and to Our God, for He will abundantly pardon.”

I will never truly understand the depth of Your mercy and forgiveness, Lord. I know my past. Forget the past… I know my PRESENT. I know the evil that is within me, apart from Jesus. I can so relate to Paul and his struggle with the flesh. I know what You would have me do. I WANT to obey. Yet time and again I find myself in this seesaw place of back and forth. Help me to forsake the sin in my life, Lord… to forsake the thoughts that don’t honor You. I hear You calling me to forgive and to extend Your mercy and grace. Help me to remember the mercy and grace You have poured out into my own life, that I might dispense even a fraction of that on those who have are in need of the same from my hands… from my heart. Empty me of any selfish desires and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Empower me to be Your hands and feet, even to those who have hurt me. No, especially to them. Give me holy eyes, that I might see them as You see them — not a surface viewing of behavior and actions, but to look beyond and see what’s in their hearts. Fill me with compassion, Lord. Thank You for Your abundant pardon. I am so undeserving of it, I know. It means everything to me, Father.

“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,’ says the LORD. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

Sometimes this complicates things for me, Lord. I so wish I could have complete understanding of the things You’re doing in my life, of who You are, of what You would have me to be. But at the same time, it’s comforting to know that I don’t have to have it all figured out. I couldn’t even if I tried. Your thoughts concerning grace exceed even my most vivid imagination, and the plans You have me are so far beyond my wildest dreams that I can’t even fathom them. My mind can’t even conceive of the things You have in store for me. Sometimes I think know that I’m better off not knowing what lies ahead. But this I do know: You are faithful and true. You have my best interests at heart, and You have a reason for everything… the good, the bad, and all the in between. Each moment has been carefully crafted by You for the purpose of helping me become the woman You created me to be. Thank You for caring enough about my character to never leave me alone. Thank You for being the sure foundation that I can build my life upon. In a world where everything seems so unstable, You are the one constant. You are the same yesterday, today, and forever. Even when I don’t understand Your thoughts… Your ways… You are my Rock, and it’s a comfort.

“‘For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.’”

Oh, Father… if this isn’t motivation to remain in You and Your Word, I don’t know what is! Just as rain falls and waters the earth, producing a bounty of provision for Your people, so You Word falls freshly on me and produces a harvest of righteousness. Help me to not just hear it, Lord, but to DO it. This beautiful, incredible, powerful love letter from You washes over me. At times it comes in torrents, beating down the strongholds in my life and reducing me to a soggy mess on the floor. At other times it comes as a gentle rain, beating a steady rhythm of truth upon my weary heart, penetrating my parched soul with refreshing newness of life. Thank You for the promise that Your Word is all-powerful, and that it will always accomplish the purpose for which You sent it. Give me ears to hear, Lord. Let me be forever changed by Your Truth. Your Word is life to me… Christ AND the written Word. Thank You for speaking. I’d be lost without You.

 

(Reflections on Isaiah 55:6-11)

We were riding somewhere in the car the other day and I noticed callouses on my hands. They run along the pads where my fingers meet my palm (do you have the visual? Not that it matters, really). Anyway, I sat there rubbing my fingers over the rough spots and and wondering what the heck I had done to my hands.

You have to understand… I’m a girlie girl. I have well dyed hair and french-tipped fingernails. I much prefer typing on my computer at work to manual labor. So you understand why it was strange to me to find callouses on my girlie girl hands.

Then it hit me.

After realizing I had reached an all-time high with my weight, I rejoined Curves. I started a couple of weeks ago, and while I’m not convinced I’ve lost all that much weight, I do feel better… if not physically, then at least I feel better about myself for committing to DO something, and sticking with it. The callouses on my hands were a result of pumping the machines at the gym (how cool is THAT?) Instead of being put off my rough patches, I now viewed them as a symbol of the hard work I’ve been logging three times a week at Curves.

But there’s another kind of callous that I don’t want anything to do with.

“Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says: 
      ’Today, if you will hear His voice,
       Do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion,
      In the day of trial in the wilderness..’” (Heb. 3:7-8)

Merriam Webster online lists the following under the entry for “callous”:

Main Entry: ¹cal·lous

 

 

 1 a : being hardened and thickened b : having calluses <callous hands>
2 a : feeling no emotion b : feeling or showing no sympathy for others : hard-hearted

 

How I want to have  a heart that is soft and sensitive. Sometimes circumstances beat me down and for a period of time, my emotions kind of go into “shut down” mode. It’s almost as if I barely have the energy to deal with my own stuff, much less take on anyone else’s. I suffer from compassion burnout and in my self pity, I use my own stresses as excuses for withdrawing from the people around me that I deem to be too “needy”.  I was just asking a sweet friend the other day to pray for me because my tolerance level is at an all-time low, and I’m so exhausted and emotionally drained that even making small talk can feel excruciating to me. Have you ever been there?

 

I find ways to justify my selfish behavior and walk away feeling badly, yet also feeling helpless to do anything about it. But that’s where I’m wrong.  The Lord has given me the prescription for a calloused heart.

 

“Therefore say: `This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will gather you from the nations and bring you back from the countries where you have been scattered, and I will give you back the land of Israel again.’  “They will return to it and remove all its vile images and detestable idols.  I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.   Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.   But as for those whose hearts are devoted to their vile images and detestable idols, I will bring down on their own heads what they have done, declares the Sovereign LORD.”   Ezekiel 11:17-21 NIV 

 

Do you see what’s happened? I’ve set up for myself mini-idols. The idol of pride. The idol of selfishnes. The idol of self, period. I’ve put my own desires above the Lord and what He would have for me (serving Him and others). And only He can perform open heart surgery and fix me.  Once I’m willing to give it all up, and let go of the idols, He will tend to my heart. He will give me one that is undivided in devotion… one that is whole, and healthy… and HAPPY. Only He can do that.

 

So I’m laying it down today. I am stating unequivocally my desire for Him to not just be first in my life… but to BE my life. It will take discipline. It will take commitment. But the alternative is a calloused heart that has no place in my life.

 

Take it, Jesus. All of it. Tender me with tears and revive my heart. Bring softness where there was harshness….  peace where there was a war within…. love where there was bitterness… generosity where there was selfishness… flesh where there was stone.  Be glorified in me.

If you missed getting to hear the songs that I posted yesterday, please take the time. Phenomenal Encouragement. Truly.

http://bellissimanh.wordpress.com/2009/09/29/the-ministry-of-music/