Posted by: bellissimanh | September 17, 2012


I am overwhelmed by the love of my God. By the fact that He speaks to me. I’m not talking about an audible voice, but rather the way He impresses things on my heart by speaking through circumstances and events in my life, through the words of others, and by bringing me to just the right portion of His Word at just the right time.

Most of my life, I have served the Lord in very public ways: leading worship teams, directing drama teams, leading Bible Studies. Very “churchy”. Over the past several years, however, I’ve been essentially sidelined. I don’t mean that I don’t serve Jesus anymore, it’s just that it doesn’t look anything like what I’m used to. Instead of proclaiming His faithfulness to a couple hundred people at a time, I do it one heart at a time.

For quite a while now, that’s bothered me. I’ve felt as though this was something I just have to suffer through, and that eventually, the Lord would restore me to the type of service I was designed for. And then I read these words from Oswald Chambers this morning:


“Temptation is a suggested short-cut to the realization of the highest at which I aim – not towards what I understand as evil, but towards what I understand as good.”




This so perfectly describes me. As I’ve been biding my time, and trying to be satisfied in where the Lord has me right now, I’ve also been looking for any hint of a door leading to something that more closely resembles my idea of “ministry” – something GOOD, right? And when it comes? Let me tell ya, this girl is ready to SIEZE the thing. I mean, jump right on board and choke the life out of it! My mind immediately begins to contemplate the possibilities, and dream up all manner of wonderful scenarios that would fill the void in my soul.

It isn’t right. And today I’m feeling God whisper to my heart that not only is it not right – it’s sin.

“Temptation is something that completely baffles me for a while; I do not know whether the thing is right or wrong.”

Doesn’t Satan love to mix in truth with lies and light with dark and completely fill our vision with shadows? Is a more public type of ministry wrong? No. Unless it isn’t what God has for me right now and I chase after it anyway.

“A man’s disposition on the inside, i.e., what he possesses in his personality, determines what he is tempted by on the outside. The temptation fits the nature of the one tempted, and reveals the possibilities of the nature. Every man has the setting of his own personal temptation, and the temptation will come along the line of the ruling disposition.”

In several ways, since I began praying about the latest “open door”, Jesus has shown me how much He can use me – Father, forgive me for thinking that ministry has to fit the mold I’VE created, instead of the one fashioned by Your hands. Give me eyes to see the path You’ve set out for me to walk, and courage to go forth in the power of Your name, giving You all glory and honor and praise. And thank You for this…

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man.” (1 Cor. 10:13)

Thank You that my failure doesn’t mean I’m hopeless; it just means I’m human. I love You, Father.

How about you? Have you ever struggled with the place God seemed to have you? Have you been tempted to barge ahead in your own wisdom, convinced something of your own making was God’s will? How did He bring you through that and convince you otherwise? I love stories. Please share yours.



  1. When we were missionaries and in the training for being missionaries, I often felt pressure (from inside and out) that I should be out ‘winning the millions’ to the Lord. Yet, I was at home, taking care of small children and had little time for other ‘ministry.’ Finally, God showed me that my children are my ministry – their souls are just as precious as anyone else’s and that’s where I needed to be! 🙂

  2. Amen, Jonalie! They are our most IMPORTANT mission field, aren’t they? I’ve been praying about ways to encourage Noah in his faith. I’d like to disciple him, but he’s at such a tough age. He’s just not into it… it’s gonna have to be a God thing. Best way to have it happen anyway. 🙂

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