Posted by: bellissimanh | February 5, 2009

Staying True to Yourself?

I love reading the comments y’all leave on my blog. I look forward to coming home from work to see who’s been here, and learn from what the Lord has led them to leave in response to the things I feel Him teaching me. If I’m totally honest, I probably enjoy the comments way more than I should, because somtimes my attitude about blogging can go from it being about Him to being about me.  And that is so not what I want.

I think that’s why this comment in particular really made me stop short.

“You have a beautiful family! I love what your blog stands for. It’s all about staying true to yourself.
Good for you!”

Can I just tell you that my heart sank when I read that comment? To me, it’s the antithesis of what I long for this blog to be. More importantly, it is the exact opposite of what I desire to see in my LIFE.

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Remember those famous lines from Shakespeare’s Hamlet? This is Polonius’ last piece of advice to his son, Laertes, as he’s about to board a ship for Paris. In essence, Polonius is telling his son, “Look out for your own best interests and you’ll be in a better position to care for others.”  

But that is in such contrast with what Scripture teaches.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.  Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4)

Ok, not EXACTLY opposite, but you get the meaning.

I am constantly fighting the urge to be true to myself. My flesh yearns to be true to Heather. My sinful heart so often wants what it wants, and doesn’t think about the cost to others, or even the fact that my desire may be in direct conflict with what the Lord wants for me. That’s my natural tendency.

It’s that constant struggle that the apostle Paul wrote about — “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” (Rom. 7:15)

But thankfully, Paul also, through the Holy Spirit, penned these words…

“But if, while we seek to be justified by Christ, we ourselves also are found sinners, is Christ therefore a minister of sin? Certainly not!  For if I build again those things which I destroyed, I make myself a transgressor. For I through the law died to the law that I might live to God. I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  I do not set aside the grace of God; for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain.” (Galatians 2:17-21)

I have no righteousness apart from Christ. The only good that lives in me is Jesus. Period. I am the wretch the song speaks of, and I am constantly struggling to put my own wants to death so that I can live to the praise of His glory. He has a grand design for my life, and specific tasks that He planned even before my birth for me to do… and I want to honor THAT.  Please understand… I am not about being true to myself. I want to be true to the Lover of my soul and Him alone. And if you ever see anything here that leads you to believe otherwise, please… CALL ME OUT.

It has to be the best love story of all time. I was ugly, sinful, ashamed of who I had become and what I had done, and yet He chose me. He reached down, touched me with His love and wooed me until I relented and collapsed in His embrace. His love is everlasting and deeper than anything I have ever known. He set His affection on me, even knowing I would be unfaithful. And when I proved that to be true,  loved me back into His arms with a fierceness that takes my breath away.  It’s a love that paid the highest price, and sacrificed the most… God the Father sent His Son to a lonely hill called the place of the skull, to suffer in my place. He didn’t just love me. He loved me to death. Literally. I am utterly overwhelmed by that.  It’s incomprehensible and is the thing that keeps me seeking to be true… not to myself, but to the One who hung the moon and stars, and holds my heart. My name is engraved on the palm of His hand; His scars stand as an eternal testament to the depth of His passion… passion for me.

Oh, Jesus, don’t let me ever lose sight of that!

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Responses

  1. Wow…great post. It is so wonderful how a complete stranger can feel like a kindred spirit when Christ is involved.
    I just popped by to check you out. You left a comment on an old post of mine and I wanted to see if I knew you. I don’t think I do…but I knew as soon as I read this post that you are my sister. Be encouraged and keep seeking to Know Christ and to Make Him Known.

  2. I am so with you on this. The Lord has sought to re-direct my focus of late–in several areas of my life—off of the things that take up my time and back onto Him. I can so very much identify with this post.

  3. We just finished Isaiah 53…days and days with this chapter have helped us to plumb the depths of His love for us. You are right. It is an AMAZING, UNBELIEVABLE love story.

    Kate

  4. I see your point and where the Holy Spirit may be working with you, but something that my heart takes me back to from Purpose Driven Life is that we are meant for community. I think you are probably being more true to yourself than you think to anticipate that conversation and interaction will be there when you pour yourself out…and I wonder, if, to a certain extent, that is a healthy thing. If we just write and never hear from people, we wither. I turned off comments for a long time and when my mind was too tired, and I found that it is hard to write to a ceiling feeling that words never go further, though stats still stay people are there.

    We need people. And that’s okay.

  5. I think it was probably meant as a compliment, the poster sees you looking neither right, nor left, without distraction running the race with your eye on the prize.

  6. I agree that it was meant as a compliment but I totally get you here. Excellent post Heather and a great perspective..:))

    And I just have to say I love that you work for M&M Assurance company. I’ve gotten lots of assurance from M&M’s myself..:))


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