Posted by: bellissimanh | January 9, 2009

I blew it.

Plain and simple.  I.blew.it.

Here’s how it went down. I got to work and discovered my coworker (and friend)  had made a mistake on a big account. A BIG mistake that was going to be costly. My friend was freaking out and worried about losing her job.

I felt the Lord prompt me to pray with her, but I resisted. I thought, “Lord… really? Right here? You want me to pray for her NOW?” I saw another coworker on her way into the office and feeling even more intimidated, I brushed off the still small voice and prayed silently for my friend as I continued to comfort her and tell her everything would be ok.

Here’s the kicker. In my heart, I worried that everything would NOT be ok. I looked at the situation and couldn’t imagine how this was going to work out. I prayed, “Lord, please fix this!” but since I couldn’t see how it would work out, I feared for what my friend would think of my faith – of my GOD – if we prayed together and then the mistake wasn’t fixable and she suffered severe consequences. Would she question the validity of my faith? Would she think it useless or silly? Would it create doubt in her mind as to whether God is real and concerned with the events of individual human lives? Deep inside, I didn’t trust the Father to pull through in this, and so I resisted that prompting of the Spirit to pray with my friend. Instead I kept my petition to myself and went back to work without mentioning it.

Twenty minutes later, the crisis was solved. God had fixed the issue in a way that never would have entered my mind. It was an EASY fix to a DIFFICULT predicament. I’m telling you… He showed up in a BIG way. I cried with my friend as we both breathed a sigh of relief. I did share with her that I had prayed for her, and she thanked me, but I have been in a bit of a funk all day. I know that the answer to that prayer would have been much more powerful for her had she been given the opportunity to be directly involved in the process. If I had followed the Lord’s leading to be bold in my faith and step out of my comfort zone… would she have been as amazed as I at His power when the solution appeared? I’ll never know, but I suspect that’s true.

I’m thankful that the Lord answered my prayer, and that I had the opportunity to share with my friend exactly what I had prayed for. I’m thankful that He showed Himself mighty in spite of me. But how my heart wishes I had been more obedient! I am humbled and once again thanking the Lord for His mercy and grace. He is so patient with me. His mercies are new every morning, and I am blessed.

Father God, thank You for Your love. Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You that You are never surprised when I fail You. You simply look on me with love, pick me up, dust me off, and set me back on my feet. Only by Your grace am I saved, and how I need that grace each and every day! Today I’m needing it more than yesterday, Lord. Forgive me for doubting, Lord. Forgive me for letting You down. But thank You that even as I say the words, I claim that forgiveness in Jesus’ name. You are indeed faithful and just. You are so much greater than my mind can even comprehend, Lord. You work in ways that go beyond anything I could think or imagine. You provided in a BIG way today, Father. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. You have renewed my Spirit and embraced me with truth from Your Word as I’ve worked my way through the afternoon. Thank You for redeeming not just my life, but my moments… my mistakes. Thank You for being in the business of taking my pathetic botches and turning them into something that can still glorify You. Help me to live with more faith, Lord… with more courage and boldness. How dare I think You couldn’t handle this thing today? Maybe it wasn’t that I thought You couldn’t… maybe I just didn’t know if You would, but still… I have learned that when You move me to do something, the best course of action is always obedience. I’m sorry for falling short of that mark today. It blows my mind that You see these times and yet choose to give me chance after chance to learn from my mistakes and try again. I’m so grateful for that! Thank You for loving me, Lord. Today, this is my prayer… I want to make much of You, Jesus.

 

 

UPDATE: I’m pleased to report that on the following Monday after this was written, the Lord gave me another opportunity to pray for a coworker… and THIS time I was faithful, even though I wasn’t sure how it would be received. And she LOVED it… planting seeds, planting seeds. Father, please cause all these things to grow!

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Responses

  1. I wish I could say that I’ve never been in your shoes, but am ashamed to say that I too have ignored the still small voice of our Savior. May we be stronger and bolder the next opportunity we’re given to share our faith.
    Blessings – Lisa

  2. I have done the same thing – and more than once! You would think that after hearing that voice, ignoring it and feeling so bad about it, that you wouldn’t do it again, but I have. It’s amazing that in spite of us, God still works things out and He still loves us!

  3. Just like the other comments, I can’t count how many times I’ve done something similar. Boy, when you hear that still, small voice it’s so easy to question whether it’s just me or really God wanting me to do something. I don’t know if we ever know until we act on faith. But the good thing is that God doesn’t need us, but like you said, He allows us to be involved in what He’s doing. I enjoyed reading your post! Your prayer is beautiful.

  4. Oh, my, we have all had those moments. I feel your pain! But God is bigger than our mistakes.

    And aren’t I thankful?! 🙂

  5. Neat! I’ve been seeing God’s power EVERYWHERE this week especially where it comes to that still small voice.

    Kate

  6. What an awesome God and I love how He continues to woo me, woo you, woo others. He is MIGHTY!

    Yolanda
    Higher Grounds

  7. It’s all a learning experience, isn’t it? You’re definitely not alone when it comes to brushing off His still small voice; but what a work of faith it had done in our lives after He reveals Himself strong where we had been so weak. It gives us the courage and resolve to trust Him the next time around. I appreciate your honesty:)

  8. We were talking about this in Sunday School this morning. Our text was in 1 Thess, about the second coming of Christ. We discussed the importance of living our lives each day as though it were our last. As though today was the day of the rapture. How much more obedient would we be to that still, small voice if we knew that we only had one chance to obey?

    Xandra


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