Posted by: bellissimanh | August 20, 2008

Tears on My Pillow

Remember the old song? I don’t. Not really… just that one line, but the story I’m about to tell you did remind me of it. That one line. 🙂

 While helping Noah to make his bed on vacation, I looked at his pillow and noticed something. Now I’ve noticed it before, but never thought to say anything (some questions are better left unanswered, don’t ya know!)

He sleeps with this huge green chintz pillow. I know, it’s crazy. In its better days, it was a throw pillow on my bed. At some point in time, Noah absconded with it and it became “his” pillow. It’s lost some of its shape now, and it’s kind of beat and worn. Perhaps the oddest thing about it is the strange print that has taken over its surface. See for yourself.

As I tossed the pillow onto Noah’s air mattress in our tent, I asked him about the markings on it.

“Noah, what’s all this?” I questioned, drawing his attention to the splotchy spots.

“You mean the circles?” he replied.

(I love the way he describes things!) Chuckling, I pressed on. “Yes… I guess I mean the circles.”

“That’s my tears, Mama.”

That’s one of those statements that just doesn’t sit well with a Mama.  “Your tears?” I thought about that for a minute, picturing my son, crying into his pillow.

“What were you crying about?”

“Sometimes I cry because I don’t know what to do, or because I miss you and Daddy when you’re not home. I cry when I’m hurt… or when I feel guilty.”

The spots on the pillow were no big deal to Noah. They were just reminders of times he had found solace in a familiar place. As I thought about what he had just told me, I couldn’t help but draw a striking similarity between Noah’s tears and my own.

There have been times in my life when I’ve not known what to do. I have felt utter helplessness and cried in frustration.

I’ve lost several loved ones through the years. Missing them has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. As my heart wells up, my eyes overflow.

Whether physical or emotional, being hurt is never fun. As we weep over wounds, whether self-inflicted or caused by others – our tears fall fresh, often when we least expect it.

Ah, and guilt. How I have mourned over sin in my life. I have shed tears over things I’ve done. I have felt the weight of my transgressions and nearly broken under it’s burden. Yes…  I have certainly cried the tears of a guilty conscience.

I took the opportunity to share with Noah that although his pillow had been collecting his tears, that there is Another who is ever watching, ever caring.

“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.” Psalm 56:8

It was so cool to watch his eyes light up as he realized how well that verse fit with our talk, and just Who is holding the bottle with his tears. I think I shed one of my own. 🙂

Remember today, that your Heavenly Father sees you, right where you are. He knows exactly what you’re walking through. He was in this moment before you even arrived. He knows your heart and keeps track of your sorrows, recording each one… and He’s collecting your tears in His bottle. He loves you so! What better place to find solace than in familiar, loving embrace!


A side note — later in the morning (after my discussion with Noah), I asked him to tell me again what it was that made him cry. As he reminded me of what he had said earlier, he saw me making notes in the back of my journal.

With a slight rolling of the eyes and a big smile he said, “Mama… are you writing a devotional?”

I grinned back. All he got outta me was a, “Maybe.” 🙂



  1. What a sweet blog (and boy!!) Definitely one for the devotional!

  2. Aw! Talk about a teachable moments! That was so sweet:) Thank you for sharing.

  3. Thanks for this note of encourangement at just the time I needed it. I have been doing a study called Partening the Prodigal in your life. It it a real eye opener for me and some of the issues I have not wanted to deal with. Tears have flowed but your precious son and his and your tender heart help me to see, “my tears are in God’s bottle also.” Thanks, I love you both

  4. Tis is so Noah!
    And so you wit your eautiful way of recounting ans making us think and feel the emotion wrapped around the story. i love Noah so much. He has the greatest way of getting to the real point…as do you my beloved friend. thank you for sharing this. Tears on our pillow are raindrops from our heart. Saved up in a bottle because they are precious reminders of the God’s place in our lives…always in our heart.

  5. Love this story, and what a great verse to go along with it.

  6. How precious!

  7. […] I also know this: my God hears my cries. He captures every one of my tears and stores them in His bottle (Ps. 56:8). He is faithful and just to forgive my sin when I confess […]

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