Posted by: bellissimanh | September 6, 2007

Broken Dreams and Needful Things…

It’s been a stressful couple of months. With our oldest headed off for college, things were humming right along. Until the last minute…. when she decided she didn’t want to go.  Actually, I say that, but she had been protesting all summer…. it wasn’t until the last minute that we relented and quit pushing.

The dreams that we (ok, I) had for her just didn’t materialize and after much prayer and thought, she decided to stay here and attend the local college. At first I was crushed. I was convinced that she was giving up her dreams if she stayed here. Through serious prayer, Scripture reading, counsel from other believers and much thought, the Lord reminded me – yet again – that He loves Jessica even more than I do… and that His dream for her life is bigger and more precious than I am able to lay hold of right now. I felt Him clearly asking me to let go of MY will for her life so that He could work HIS will in her life. Ouch. I realized that I had been putting a lot of unnecessary expectations and pressure on Jessica. I was so intent on her having what I felt I had missed out on (due to my own poor choices), that I couldn’t see that she had been seeking God’s will for her life too, and He was speaking to her. As strongly as a warm embrace, I felt the Lord reassure me not only of His love for Jessica, but also of His love for me, her mother.

Looking at where I stand now, and what the Lord has brought me through as the years have passed, I know that He had a purpose in all of it. What seemed to me to be chaos and mistakes, He used for my good and His glory. My entire identity as a person is wrapped up in who He has been to me over the course of my life. It took some tough stuff to get us to this point in our relationship… a point where I could really trust Him and surrender to Him… and even rejoice in the midst of pain and confusion. But I am so glad we’re here!

In His gentle way, the Lord caused the words of Jesus to Mary echo in my head: “My child… you are worried and concerned about many things, but only one thing is needed”… but with new perspective.  I know that the Lord has His own path for Jessica to walk. It won’t be the same as mine. It may be easier, or more difficult… but either way, it will be perfectly suited to her needs. He will bring her to and through whatever He needs to in order to draw her to Himself and make her a woman after His own heart. I told Jessica that more than anything else, that’s what I want for her. Which college she attends, where she lives, who she marries… none of those things matter to me nearly as much as seeing her have a vital loving relationship with Christ. Above all, I want for her to have a passion for God, and to have an intimate relationship with the One who loves her even more than I do.

Forget my dreams for her life… or even her own. God has a dream for her life. I can’t wait to see what He has in store!

“I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk in truth.” (3 John 4)

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Responses

  1. Honestly, I cannot believe you even put this in your blog! Im freaking out. I had a long conversation with a good friend today and we were talking about a lot of things. A thought HIT me in the midst of this conversation. ONE THING. I told her, all this is good, but Jesus said, only one thing is needful.. My husband has been into the story of the woman at Jesus feet with the alabaster box. That too, to me is the one thing. At His feet. Where else do we have to turn? Thank you for confirming to me, it is most of all the most needful of things. Everything else pales in comparison to this ONE THING. He will guide you, and your little girl. (I know, college age, but still, your little girl.) He adores you both. His love is such a mystery. Its so wonderful!!

  2. (((((Sarah))))) Isn’t it cool when God impresses an idea upon us, and then reiterates it to give us confirmation? 🙂

    Thanks for the encouragement… and yes… she’ll always be my little girl 🙂 I think that’s what makes it so difficult to let her go. I do know that He’s in control though, of both of our lives. If only I could let go of the reins a little more… hehe.

  3. Hey!
    That’s awesome. I’m kindof going through the same thing, cause I’m losing two of my sisters, but it probably is not as much as a daughter. I also have to remember that it is God’s Will – and whatever happens is His will. I have to remember to keep my eyes on Him! Life is definetly easier after that. I just love encouragement on the subject from other believers. Thanks, Heather!

  4. ((((((((((((Rach)))))))))))))) It’s a time of transition for you, for sure… I’ll be praying for all of you. Guess it’s all part of growing up, huh? I love you!

  5. This title caught my attention right away.
    I am in a similar situation with my oldest. He went into the Air Force this May and we flew down for an awesome graduation in July.
    He was given his orders and was going to be stationed in Italy.
    While training for the Security Forces, his back started hurting and never got better. They think he has fractured or compressed vertbrea from a previous motocross injury a year ago. It only started to bother him when he carried his heavy equipment around.
    Now they have decided to send him home.
    As a Mom I am thrilled to see my son again and have him under my roof! But at first I was so worried about his future.
    The Lord has also prompted me to trust Him.
    Trust HIM!
    So I am.
    I am now very excited to have him home again and see what God is going to do in his life.

    Thanks for the post!
    Blessings,
    Sue

  6. Wow, Sue… talk about a test of faith! How is he holding up? Is he very disappointed? I would have such mixed emotions! Praying God reveals His perfect plan for your son, and that it is even better than anything he could have imagined up til now!

    Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Thank you for letting me try and find what God wants for my life, and letting me do things the way I felt was best for me.
    Thank you.


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