But the next part is sweet. Shortly after the conviction (within hours) He also comforted and encouraged me. I was digging into the homework for my Beth Moore study (don’t you love her?) and the Scripture focus was Psalm 120.

A Cry for Truth and Peace
A song of ascents

In my distress I called to the LORD, and He answered me.

“LORD, deliver me from lying lips and a deceitful tongue.”

What will He give you, and what will He do to you, you deceitful tongue?

A warrior’s sharp arrows, with burning charcoal!

What misery that I have stayed in Meshech, that I have lived among the tents of Kedar!

I have lived too long with those who hate peace.

I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war.

I don’t know if any Psalm more accurately depicts the condition of my heart over recent months. I don’t even know what all people have said about me, but if a fraction of things I’ve heard are indicative, much of it is untrue… and at very best, misunderstood. Many have spoken out of ignorance, simply passing on juicy gossip, yet others have done so with nasty motives. Regardless, I can so relate to the heart of this Psalmist! I have nearly prayed his words specifically. I have longed for peace, only to find others who cannot bring themselves to reconcile. I have longed for peace, but been unable to bring myself to reconcile.

Beth points out that bringing our complaints before the Lord is much more effective than dumping them on other people. When I discuss my hurts with others, more likely than not my description is going to be laced with personal bitterness, blame casting, and condemnation. If not characterized by it, surely it will be tinged with those feelings. How could it not be?

Yet with Christ, I have the freedom to be completely honest… to lay it all out before Him, without fear of poisoning His mind with my sinful attitudes. Besides that, He truly is the only One who can give the comfort I’m so desperately in need of… the love that I feel I’ve been denied by others… the peace I’m craving.

In examining motives, it’s likely that people who say negative things about others are looking to build themselves up. But that works both ways… how much of my complaining about the injustices I’ve suffered has been nothing more than an attempt to make myself look (and feel) better as my insecurity has reared its ugly head. God calls me to be better than this. He calls me to, as my reading from 1 Thessalonians yesterday showed me, a “work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope.” (1 Thessalonians 1:3)

Psalm 120 is the first of the Psalms of Ascent – a journey upward. I’m taking His hand, and stepping up. Pray for me as I seek to be obedient in this. And whatever your struggle, know that I pray for you as well. Feel free to share, or simply leave your name in the comments section so I can add you specifically to the “ALL” I’m praying for. I’d be honored.

Ever have one of those times when the Lord is instructing you in a certain area, and you just can’t get away from it? Yeah… me, too.

My life over the last couple of years has been pretty challenging. It has seen some drastic changes, not the least of which involved shifting from a position of leadership in a thriving local body of believers to being ostracized and cast aside… not just from ministry, but from fellowship altogether. I tell you this not to point fingers of accusation or to garner your sympathy, but rather to explain the circumstances that set me in a position to hear from the Lord on some particular issues. I have been abandoned by those I considered not just friends, but family… and it has left a whole lot of hurt in its wake.

I confess that I have been harboring some bitterness and anger that would make even the wicked witch of the East cringe. But here’s the thing… every now and again I convince myself that I’ve forgiven… that I’m over it… that it doesn’t matter anymore. And then He speaks.

Strangely enough, it started with a conversation I had with an atheist friend of mine the other day. He thought it curious that some atheists seem to be filled with such hatred for Christians. He said it wasn’t logical… why should they care what others believe? He concluded that since hatred is a passionate emotion, on some level they MUST care.

It occurs to me that I keep insisting that the wounds I have suffered don’t sting anymore. That I’ve moved on. That I’m healed. That I don’t care and that they can’t hurt me anymore. And yet, still… these feelings of anger still find expression at times – even if I don’t speak the words aloud.

Yesterday I was meditating on the first chapter of 1 Thessalonians, and convicted by these words:

“We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers, remembering without ceasing your work of faith, labor of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the sight of our God and Father, knowing, beloved brethren, your election by God.” (v. 2-4, italics mine)

It doesn’t say that Paul gave thanks (always, by the way) for the mature believers, or for the ones who brought him particular joy. No. He always gave thanks for them ALL. The Greek indicates that it means “all, without exception”. Hmmm. Certainly doesn’t describe MY prayer life over the last couple of years. It can only be accomplished through the power of the Spirit, but I have been indwelled by Christ Himself, so I have no excuse for disobedience in this thing. Prayerfully, I have to move forward in this… period.

So He speaks conviction… but that’s not all. Tomorrow I’ll share with you the gentle way He also spoke encouragement and grace to me this afternoon. Stay tuned…

U-G-L-Y. But that’s how the enemy is, right?

Have you ever heard just the right word at exactly the right time? Listening to the live stream of Passion 2012 yesterday, this statement by Louie Giglio resonated with me… DEEP.

“Brokenness is the bow from which God launches the arrows of healing.”

Because no matter what satan tries to tell me, this is what GOD says:

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

And He does this through Jesus…

“ 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair.

They will be called oaks of righteousness,

a planting of the LORD

for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3

Not only that, but He promises to use my brokenness to bring comfort and healing to others…

“ 3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” 2 Cor. 1:3-4

What if I were to take the lies and half-truths the enemy throws at me and toss back some of THIS? What if I were to take hold of and believe… really believe… that I am a quiver in the bow of My God, and that He has a divine plan to use my junk — my pain, my hurts, my brokenness — and shoot some healing into the life of someone else? Now that would be something, wouldn’t it?

It’s not just mine… He wants to use your stuff too. The baggage. The remains of your broken past. The sting of lost friendships and bad mistakes… of should haves and could haves and would haves if only. Won’t you give it to Him today? Place yourself in the hands of the Awesome Archer, and let Him take aim and fire at will… HIS will. Then get ready for some healing to take place… because He is faithful!

“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”

I decided to start my reflections of grace by making it personal. I often take a verse that I’m meditating on and paraphrase it. I love the way it helps me to really chew on the Word and make it part of my soul. It does a heart good.

“And God…” – my Creator, the One who knows me better than anyone else, and loves me just as much
“…is able to make” – He is sovereign, which means He has all power and authority. He not only desires things for me, but is capable of bringing them to pass.
“…all grace” – unmerited favor, a blessing that can only come from Him
“…abound” – not just enough, but a deluge of grace – a drenching, refreshing flood
“…to you” – to me, sinful as I am, broken and flawed
“…in all things, at all times” – He will use every situation as a vehicle for this grace
“…having all that you need” – total sufficiency, this is powerful stuff!
“…you will abound in every good work” – God blessed me so that I can bless others. Serve them. LOVE them.

He showers me with His grace, and expects me to take it and lavish it upon others. It’s not just for me… it’s for you, too.  This year of grace is going to be a challenge, but He has equipped me to pursue His grace and live it out.

I’m ready for the showers, Lord… rain down Your grace. I want to be washed in the flood of Your mercy… to drink it in… to splash and dance in it. Bring refreshment and healing and boundless love. Let’s do this thing… together.

Eat better. Exercise more. Create a budget and stick to it. Read the Bible in a year. Etc, etc.

A few years ago, I began a new practice. Instead of making a list of resolutions that realistically, I knew I would probably not keep, I decided to prayerfully choose a theme word for the year.  This word gave me focus for the months ahead… gave me a direction to pursue.  I would look up every instance of the word in Scripture, and read what God had to say about it. I would be intentional about searching out opportunities to practice my word in daily life. And the Lord was faithful to grow me through this process and draw me closer to Himself.

Over the past year, although it wasn’t my word for 2010, the Lord has taught me much about grace. Receiving it. Giving it. Living in it. So when I began to consider words as possible themes for 2012, I didn’t really throw grace into the mix since I felt I had grown so much in that area over the course of 2011. And then I had a discussion with my husband this week that kinda threw a wrench in the works.

On a particular day this week, I had asked God to guide me and help me live out HIS purposes for me, instead of my own agenda. I was excited because He had been faithful to do just that. I had a day full of interruptions, yet my response to those situations was much godlier than on an average day. Instead of being completely frustrated and responding with complaining, I made the best of it and sought out how I could use the circumstances to honor the Lord. I was sharing this with Joel, but not getting the reaction I had expected. I had thought he would think it was as cool as I did, but the expression on his face was just… weird. I said, “Clearly you’re not getting this…”, to which he responded, “No… I get it. It’s just that the tech support guy who wasted your afternoon and the pizza delivery guy who screwed up the order got grace. I got snapped at.” Ouch. OUCH.

Clearly, God’s not done teaching me about grace.  I have reflected back on that conversation several times over the last couple of days, and I have felt the Lord whisper to my heart that He and I are going to journey into a world of grace this year that will be life-changing. I want to experience grace like never before…  to breathe it in and to make it part of me. I want to dive deep into the pool of grace my Father has offered and be completely immersed in it, learning how to receive it for myself, as well as drench others with its life-giving power. So, grace it is.

I have chosen as my theme verse for the year 2 Corinthians 9:8…

“And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.”

Here’s to grace…

Do you have a theme word for 2012? If so, I’d love to for you to share it! Maybe we can encourage each other in our respective themes throughout the year.

Do you hear that? I can hardly believe it. It’s me. Breathing a sigh of contentment. Enjoying Christmas.

It’s been a long time comin’. It’s been nearly two years since I felt anything but depression when thinking about the holidays. I would stress about money, freak out about not having enough time to get everything done, grouse about the fact that my life was drastically different than I had imagined or hoped – through no choice of my own , and I would plaster on a smile and try to be merry… but deep down, I didn’t feel there was much to celebrate. Others would be giving thanks for the year behind us, but me? I was just glad it was over.

Before you go giving me a spiritual beat down, notice that I didn’t say there wasn’t anything to celebrate, just that I didn’t feel like celebrating. My head knows that Jesus is ALWAYS worth rejoicing over… and I tried to move that knowledge from my head to my heart, but it seemed there was just something in the way.

Now you might be expecting me to wax philosophical and tell you what caused that breakdown… and go on about the great lessons I learned as a result of choosing joy in the midst of trials. But I got nuthin’. Not today. Today I’m not about figuring it out… I’m just about enjoying the peace in my heart and cherishing the Lord Who gave it to me.

Funny… we’re cutting way back on Christmas this year, in terms of gift giving and the chaos that goes with it. We’re taking time instead to savor moments with family, to seek out and appreciate the beautiful, to engage in the quietness… and we’re better for it.

Stripped away of harried shopping and rushing from place to place… free of the myriad of “church” obligations that used to absolutely control our December schedule… focused on Christ and eucharisteo and what it looks like moment by moment to truly be grateful… this is good.

I was struck fresh this year by these lyrics:

Silent night, holy night

Son of God, love’s pure light

Radiant beams from Thy holy face

With the dawn of redeeming grace

Jesus, Lord at Thy birth….

Jesus, Lord at Thy birth.

“The dawn of redeeming grace.” While the world lay sleeping, off on the horizon of heaven, God’s plan of redemption was born. Through the most humble of circumstances He came, saving the sinful, loving the lowliest, dispensing mercy to the most desperate of hearts. Then the baby of the manger made His way to a cross, and there He offered up the greatest gift mankind has ever known – grace. Freely given, freely received. A gift that can’t be earned and can’t be bought, except with the precious blood of that babe in the hay. The Christ child. The Messiah. My sin demanded a sacrifice, and love became flesh and made Himself known… and for those who receive? Peace.

I pray you’ll find yourself unwrapping a beautiful package of grace in the days to come.

Merry Christmas!

Have you ever felt like this, maybe not in a physical sense, but a spiritual one? Like the days couldn’t be any longer… or the terrain more rugged… or the journey any tougher? Yeah. Me too.

I used to think that these seasons of dryness were simply a result of not abiding with the Father. You know the drill… lack of time in prayer and in His Word leads to a depleted and weary soul.  Well that’s true to an extent, and typically, if someone were to tell me they felt as though they were walking through a spiritual desert, I’d ask about their quiet time. Our intimacy with God directly affects our spiritual health and sense of well-being.

But what do you do when you find yourself in that desert and it’s NOT the result of a lack of attention to your relationship with the Lord? What if you’re doing everything “right” – being disciplined in your quiet time with the Lord, walking in obedience, and seeking His face, begging Him to speak – and yet still, you experience that desolate feeling? What then?

I had a friend once who tried to explain this to me. I didn’t get it. Circumstances had landed her in a deep depression, and although she cried out to the Father to show Himself, and picked up His Word every day, she couldn’t shake the heaviness… and she couldn’t feel Him near.  At first I assumed that she must not be telling me the whole story, that there must be something in her life that was blocking her intimacy with the Lord. Yet as she poured her heart out to me, I could sense the very real pain she was feeling. The fatigue. The rejection. The intense loneliness. The bitterness. And in those emotions, I felt her honesty. I knew that she was being truthful… and I had no answers.

Now, several years later, I have walked through my own season of barrenness. Like my friend, I had not stopped communing with God each day. There wasn’t any specific sin issue (not that I’m sinless) that stands out to me as something that might have hindered my walk with Him… but it was a long, LONG and difficult period, and circumstances had left me feeling overwhelmed…. depressed… and maybe even a little forgotten by God. I don’t live by my emotions, because I know they are deceiving and that what God SAYS determines my reality, not what I feel, so although I knew He was still there, that He loved me, and that He had a purpose in my pain, it didn’t make it easier.

I’m grateful that I am walking out of that period of my life. The Lord has begun healing in my heart, and I feel as though He is, as He has promised to, breathing new life into my spirit. I read this verse today and it washed over me, fresh and cool…

“See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” ~Isaiah 43:19

Though these last years have seemed like a desert, looking back I can see how God has changed me through it and a treasure of good things that He has brought from it.

I keep a guard over my tongue – I’m quicker to shut down conversations that are not honoring, either to God or to others, and I’m more sensitive to how my words will affect those around me.
 I’m not as legalistic as I once was – I’m quicker to extend grace and slower to judge.
I do a better job of loving my children well – I’m intensely interested in the details of their lives, I listen more, and criticize less.
My marriage has experienced a rebirth of sorts – there is a closeness and transparency that was absent before our recent challenges… and we begin EVERY day by opening God’s Word together and seeking His face.
My views on “church” have evolved from something we do, to something we ARE – with fancy trappings stripped away, and a focus on what it really means to be the hands and feet of Christ, and to worship Him in Spirit and in truth.
I feel the pain of others more deeply – as I learn what it means to imitate my Father, being compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love (Ps. 145:8).

So while I’m thankful for the streams in the desert… the refreshing that is coming as I move forward out of this challenging period of my life… I’m also thankful for the lessons learned in this barren wasteland, and for the Living Water that flows, not just to satisfy my thirst, but I pray that it will splash out on others around me and revive them as well. Make it so, Lord. Amen.

In preparation for our gathering tonight, I was scouring the internet for a nice little devotional I could share with you all. I didn’t find any. Everything I looked at seemed too cliché… or too simple… or too deep. None of it was going to work. As I grew more and more frustrated, I heard the Lord whisper, “Write it.”

If you know me well, you know that I have always loved to write. I think words are lovely, and writing helps me express my thoughts and my heart, and it has always been an amazing tool to help me process the things God is trying to teach me. I discovered blogging and used to write on my blog at least twice a week. It was a place to share the lessons God was impressing on my heart, to share the cries of my soul, the answers to prayer, and even just to share the moments of my life – the funny ones (have you met my family?), the precious ones… and the heavy ones. So normally, if God prompted me to write something, it was my pleasure to oblige. NORMALLY.

But nothing about my life has been normal lately. The Lord has allowed some really tough challenges for my family, and for my faith. Over the last couple of years, I stopped writing. Wait. That’s not true. My job requires that I write… so I do still write, but it’s more functional, and certainly not personal. There’s a disclaimer on my blog that reads, “More than anything, I want to be authentic. This blog is an attempt to do that… to get real. It won’t always be pretty, but it will always be me.” And it always has been (real, not pretty). So when things just got so raw that I could hardly stand it myself, I became very guarded. I had promised myself that I would never put something out there that wasn’t truly representative of my heart, and so I withdrew and just stopped. I couldn’t put on a happy face and pretend like everything was ok, but at the same time, I felt so beaten up and worn down that I couldn’t bring myself to put it all out there either. This stuff  just cut too deeply… and I couldn’t put it out there and be vulnerable.

So when God asked me to write this devotional myself, it wasn’t easy to say yes… BUT, I had just come off a weekend of intense time with the Savior, and He (through a series of powerful messages from the Word and new friends) has truly begun a work of healing in me. So here we are.

Now I love… LOVE, a good cup of coffee. I love the aroma, the warmth of the cup in my hands, and the taste as the richness makes its way into my system. But there’s something else. Even those who don’t drink coffee will not turn down an invitation to go out for coffee. They might drink a smoothie, or tea instead… but the words “let’s have coffee” seem to resonate with every woman I know. It’s like an invitation to linger… to spend time with one another and share our hopes, our dreams, and our fears. It’s as if the rat race of the rest of our lives stops for a little while and we just enjoy the friendship and time together (and hours can go by without us even noticing, right Jo?) J

So I knew that I wanted to use coffee as a basis for this devotional, and the thing that kept coming into mind is the way we get that coffee in our cups. Now this is not all encompassing, and I’m sure there are dozens of other parallels that can be drawn here, but I wanted to break it down into a couple of simple ideas.

First, I want us to take a look at the filter. Have you ever thought about the purpose of a coffee filter (other than keeping the grounds from getting into your cup and making it bitter)? I did a little research and learned something very interesting. Paper coffee filters remove oily components called diterpenes. These organic compounds, present in unfiltered coffee, appear to increase the risk of coronary heart disease.

Thankfully, God has given us the filter of His Word.  If we’ll let it, it can have a deep cleansing effect on us, catching the impurities (John 17:17). It is used to get us ready to be poured out in a way that honors Him (2 Tim. 3:16-17). How about the things that come out of our mouths? If we can pass our thoughts through the filter of His Word, then the garbage that comes from you and me, and from Satan, can be kept out, allowing truth and grace and mercy to flow (2 Corinthians 10:3-5). Without this filter, we run the risk of spiritual sickness, and maybe even spreading those harmful components to others around us. I’m so thankful that God has given me His Word, and I’ve really been challenged this week to immerse myself in it more than I have been.

Secondly, and I think this speaks to me even more, in order to be brewed, coffee beans have to be ground. You can’t just toss the beans into the basket and expect to get a delicious blend… you have to make sure they have been ground to just the right consistency… whether you buy them already ground, or use a grinder yourself.

As I look back on difficult times in my life, I see the Lord as the Master Barista. He created me, and so He knows me better than anyone. He has a vision for the fragrance and taste my life can bring the body of Christ, as well as the world around me… and He knows what it’s going to take to produce that exact blend. I think the challenges that He allows into our lives are His way of grinding us… of getting us to a place of being not just useful, but flavorful.

2 Corinthians 2:14-16 – “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life.”

Aromas permeate. They linger. They reflect their source. When we allow the Master Barista to take us through the process of being ground to perfection, it’s not easy and it’s not fun (trust me, here), but it is necessary to become the women that He wants us to be. As we are tossed about in His hands, pressed down, rubbed up against challenging situations (and people), the parts of us that are getting in the way of our being used by Him are getting worn down… until we are in such a state that He can flow through us, extracting the very best to glorify His name and spread the fragrance of Christ to those who need to experience it so much.

My prayer is that you – and I – would come to a place of really appreciating (and USING) the filter of God’s Word, and that we would welcome the grinding… keeping in mind that our Master Barista has a purpose in it, and that He knows exactly what we need in order to become the special blend that He designed us to be.

Jamie’s sound is a mix of Mandisa and Adele… with maybe a little Jason Mraz style thrown in for good measure. The result is an infectious blend of acoustic pop that is, in a word, delightful.

Titled “One Song at a Time”, the CD unfolds that way, kind of chronicling (is that a word?) Jamie’s journey to faith. The earliest songs are a little light on theology, but nevertheless embrace the idea that God loves us, and in a big way. The tunes are catchy, the messages important, and the entire collection of tunes is absolutely REFRESHING. Not just in a “not-boring-keep-me-interested” kind of way… but it a way that speaks to the soul and makes it SING.

So. I’m impressed by the music. But wait… there’s more.

Jamie’s story itself is inspiring. Diagnosed at age 11 with Tourette’s Syndrome, Jamie’s life has not been without its challenges. Yet she kept going, in spite of it all, and began posting her own videos to youtube. TobyMac kept an eye on her for years, and eventually knew he HAD to get involved. In addition to contributing to her hit single “Hold Me”, he produced her debut offering. Says tobyMac, “I’ve not been this excited to work with an artist in a long time.” I can see (hear?) why.

My advice? Grab up a copy of “One Song at a Time”. Now. You’ll be SO glad you did!

Recently I was studying in Ephesians and I came across something interesting. I was digging into chapter four and really tearing apart the first section:

“I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.” (Eph. 4:1-3)

There is so much truth and wisdom packed into these short verses, and I think you’ll be surprised at the word that I’m going to pull out of that section as one that spoke to me in particular. It’s the word “beseech.” It is the Greek word “parakaleo”, and its meaning is to “beg continually”, but not just that… it refers specifically to coming alongside someone else and encouraging them. And then one of my commentaries gave an illustration of what this really looks like. Wouldn’t ya know, my friends the geese have a lesson to teach. J

Migrating geese fly at speeds of 40 to 50 miles per hour. They travel in their special formation because as each bird flaps its wings, it creates an updraft for the bird behind it. The geese can go 70% further in a group than they could if they flew alone.

What an amazing picture of the importance of unity among believers… and our responsibility to come alongside and encourage one another! We have a common purpose. We are propelled by the thrust of others who share the same goals, and we can get a lot further in this Christian work together than we can alone.

When the geese squawk, it’s as if they’re saying to one another, “Stay the course… maintain your speed.” So the question is, who can we honk for today? Who can use a little extra boost? I know that I move on ahead much more easily if there is someone behind me encouraging me to stay on track and keep going.

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling the urge to break out a box of cards and write out a few doses of encouragement. To pick up the phone and call that girlfriend I know is struggling right now. To send a thank you note to that friend who really ministered to my heart last week.

If you’ll excuse me… I’ve got some honking to do.