“Thank God.” Such simple words, but what profound truth is in them… what power!

Yesterday I left the hospital to see if I could scrounge up some yarn and knitting needles. I figured if we’re going to be stuck here for a while, I might as well get started on some Christmas presents, right? Long story short, after a stressful hour at AC Moore not finding what I needed (could have had something to do with my state of mind), I just dropped my basket of yarn and left. Driving home, my mind was running through different scenarios. I was imagining the oncologist sitting with us and giving us a diagnosis of lymphoma. I could see myself crying over and over, “Thank God… Thank God.” No sooner did those words run through my mind than I rounded a corner and there was a church sign, blank but for the words “Thank God”. The floodgates opened and the tears flowed. Not that it was a sign that the biopsy results would come back as we hope, but the knowledge that whatever the results… we will thank God.

^“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

“Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to His name” . . . (Hebrews 13:15)

I’m thanking the Lord today for a husband who is on fire for Him. He is seriously shouting the praises of our God, to anyone who will listen. This morning an aid was in here cleaning the room and Joel was on the phone with a brother in Christ. He intentionally steered their conversation to talk of faith, and grace, and salvation… knowing that the aid was listening to every word. As I type this, he is on the phone next to me, tearfully praying with a client who doesn’t know the Lord. Jesus in Joel ROCKS. I thank God for him!

I’m thanking the Lord for children who are being so strong and supportive, even though they’re dealing with their own pain and fear. Jessica, you have been handed a huge burden in caring for your siblings, not to mention the countless other errands and responsibilities we have asked you to handle. And you shine, my love! Jasmine, you are such a joy and a breath of fresh air to us. Your optimism and constant smiles keep us smiling when it would be easier to cry. You’re so special, angel! Sweet Noah… your prayer for me the other night blessed me so much. That you could comfort ME, when as a mother, I should be comforting you… it says so much about the young man you’re becoming and your heart for others. Do you realize that prayer made you a “minister” the other night? You’re my favorite boy in the whole wide world! The three of you together make an incredible team. Hang in there and keep loving on each other. Remember our talk last night… let God use you to help each other. We are so proud of each of you, and we love you beyond measure. We thank God for you!

I’m thanking the Lord for our family and friends. You have been showering us with the love of God, and supporting us in ways that we couldn’t have even imagined we needed. Yet each thing you do, or say, or pray… has been perfect. From bringing us clothes (and financial help), to caring for our children, providing meals and groceries, visiting, sharing words of encouragement, prayer vigils, and a million other things that we probably don’t even know about. Christ in you is beautiful and we will never forget the love you have shown to us during this difficult time. Your response has awakened in us the realization that we do not do nearly enough for others. Seeing the way you have so selfLESSly given of your time, and yourselves, even, has motivated us to give more generously ourselves in the future, to listen more intently, to reach out more readily, and to love more deeply. You have been Jesus to us, and through you, He has stirred us up to be MORE. We thank God for each and every one of you!

Mostly, we thank Him for Who He is.  Amazing. Utterly unfathomable. Immeasurable love. Unending faithfulness. Savior.

Do you know Him? Do you know that you know that you know… That there is a God who loves you so much He sent His Son to die on a cross as payment for you sin? That through that sacrifice, He offered the only way for man to come to God? That if you seek Him with your whole heart, He has promised that you will find Him? We pray that in some small way, through us, you will see a glimpse of the Lord that we love. The One who is holding all of our days in His hand, and who holds our hearts as well. If you have any questions about Him at all… or our faith… please ask us. We would LOVE to sit and talk with you about who this Jesus is and what He means to us… what He can do for YOU. We love you all!

Joel & Heather

Thank you all for your prayers for Joel… for our family. I thought it would be good to give you a rundown of information all in one place so you would understand how we got to where we are. It’s difficult to piece it altogether from the separate posts on facebook. While I’m very thankful to have a great way to get information out quickly, it’s difficult if you’re coming in halfway through. So…. *deep breath*

This past summer, Joel took a spill while he and Noah were out biking. He landed on the pavement, on his shoulder. We thought he might have broken a rib, but since they don’t really do anything for that, he opted to skip the doc and let it heal.

The pain continued through the summer, and at one point, Joel wondered if it wasn’t a heart issue, rather than a rib. He started wearing his nitro around his neck again, and took a pill when the pain came on. It didn’t stop it, just gave him a bad headache… so he knew it wasn’t that.

About three weeks ago, the pain escalated. Joel went to see his primary care physician, who told him it was muscular and prescribed a muscle relaxer and hydrocodone. After about a week, he felt worse, not better. He went back to see Dr. Hubble (Frank) on Wednesday of last week and he thought maybe his back was out of whack, so he did some “adjustments” (think chiropractor-like stuff), and sent him home, telling him he should feel better in a day or two.

By Saturday, Joel was in excruciating pain. He went back to see Frank, who gave him valium (as a muscle relaxer) and oxycodone, a stronger narcotic. He also did a chest xray. In looking at the xray, Frank asked Joel when he was going to quit smoking. He hasn’t smoked in 30 years. The xray appeared to show the lungs of a seasoned smoker. Weird. Frank said he’d send the xray to Boston to be read, and told Joel it looked as though he had two fractured vertebrae.

Joel continued to work this whole time. On Tuesday of this past week, he called me at work and said he needed me to come pick him up. The pain had been so severe he had taken a second dose of the narcotic, and it made him sick. He was sleeping on a cot in the nurse’s office at the elementary school he was working at. The school administrator explained to me what had happened and was very concerned for Joel. My coworker drove Joel’s car back to my office and I drove Joel straight to the medical clinic.

Frank ordered a CT scan. That took place on Thursday. Within an hour of leaving the hospital, another doctor from Saco River called and told Joel he needed to call an ambulance immediately and go to the hospital. The CT scan revealed a tissue mass encasing his spinal column. The fear was that it would touch his spinal cord and paralyze him. They said he needed emergency surgery to cut the tissue away from his spine.

When I finally got to Memorial Hospital, they already had Joel strapped to a back board and wearing a neck brace. The doctor on call told me that while they couldn’t be certain without a biopsy, it looked like Joel had non-hodgkins lymphoma. While not good, it’s treatable and he should be fine. Joel’s PCP also told me that his lungs are actually clear. The cloudiness they had thought was lung damage was actually the tissue mass, behind his lungs. The mass is attached to his spinal column and wraps around his rib cage.

After a horrible ambulance ride for Joel, he arrived at Maine Medical Center where a neurosurgeon looked at the CT pictures and told us the mass, while attached to the spinal column, was NOT in immediate danger of reaching the spinal chord (meaning he didn’t have to have surgery right away). He said that he suspected we needed an oncologist more than we needed his services.

Thursday night they did an MRI that took two hours, and then another CT
 scan in the morning. From those pictures they learned where to take the biopsy. That was done around 3pm on Friday. The results will take a few days to come back. We won’t have them until Monday or Tuesday.

The initial findings (although without the actual test results, these are merely guesses) are that it is either lymphoma or myloma. If it’s lymphoma, it responds well to chemo and radiation, and the prognosis is good. If it’s myloma, things get complicated. This would not respond to treatments well, so surgery would be required. The surgery would be extensive and risky, because the tissue mass is so close to the spinal column. Paralysis is a concern. They would have to go in, cut the tissue away from the spinal column, put in some pins and plates and other things I can’t remember right now, and then he would have chemo and radiation after, as an added measure.

Whoever thought I’d be praying for my husband to be diagnosed with lymphoma?

That’s where we’re at right now. If the result is lymphoma, this coming week will involve lots of testing (some difficult – bone marrow, spinal tap, etc), and then a surgery to put in a port for treatments, and then his first treatment before we go home. That would put us home the end of this week at the very earliest. If the surgery is required, then we’re looking at a completely different (and longer) time frame… one I’m not ready to think about yet.

There is still a miniscule chance that the biopsy will test negative for cancer. How wonderful would that be? Our God is mighty enough to accomplish that… if it’s his will. Being a huge believer in God’s sovereignty is a double edged sword. As I told Pastor Bob this afternoon, it’s comforting to know that God is in control. He’s not surprised by this place we find ourselves in. At the same time, because I know of His sovereignty, it scares me, because I know that His plan is not always what I would prefer. I know full well that His will trumps my fleshly desires regarding the outcome of this biopsy. That’s hard. I know He’s good and faithful and kind. I’m thankful for that. I know that if His plan is not what we would hope for, that He will sustain us through whatever the future holds, but there are still moments where I am just overwhelmed at where we are today, and thoughts of where we could be six months from now. Yet not our will, but His be done. I recently told a dear friend that the center of God’s will is always the best place to b. even when it’s difficult.

In the meantime, we’re looking for ways to bring glory to God, moment by moment. We are purposefully seeking opportunities to point others to Christ. In every interaction we have, whether it’s loved ones visiting, a doctor doing an exam, or the cashier taking our money in the cafeteria… we want our words and actions to have an eternal impact and bring glory to our Father in Heaven. I am in awe of Jesus in my husband. He is speaking Christ to everyone around him with tearful passion. He is seizing every chance he gets to share His Savior with anyone who will listen. He is on FIRE, and it’s incredible to witness. It makes me think of Jeremiah’s words:  “…but His word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay.” (Jer. 20:9) I’m blessed beyond measure by his example. We were talking last night about how we wish it didn’t take having our world come crashing down like this to give us such a passion for sharing Christ with others. But here we are, and so we press on. It has been an absolute joy to watch my husband do that. I’m in awe of Jesus in him. It’s moving, and amazing, and absolutely the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.  

We continue to covet your prayers, and will keep you updated as much as possible. Thank you all so much for your love and support… demonstrated in so many different ways. Our hearts are filled to overflowing with gratitude and love for each of you. We’re humbled and in awe of Christ as we sit on the receiving end of His ministry to us, through you all. Words will never be enough to describe it, even for someone who loves words as much as I do.  God bless you all!

Noah woke up with a tummy ache this morning, and so we both ended up taking the day off. Just as well since within an hour of rising my allergies were going CRAZY. I ended up taking Benadryl (in addition to my normal Zyrtec) and Advil and going back to sleep.

At some point during the day I went into the bathroom and took a brush to my hair. I glanced out the door and noticed Patches sitting there staring at me expectantly, her tail wagging to beat the band. I laughed, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

Each day goes pretty much the same around here, at least Monday through Friday. Joel and I have our devotions together, we get Noah ready for school, and then I get ready for work. Patches comes to work with me (yes, my office is cool like that!).  As I put the finishing touches on my hair, she sits waiting outside the bathroom — tail wagging and head cocked – knowing that any minute we’ll be heading out the door.

Today, I knew that wasn’t the plan. I had no intention of going anywhere with her this afternoon, yet she is so used to the routine that she was on auto-pilot, waiting for what she was sure was going to come next.

Sometimes I go through life the same way. I get so used to the routine that I just kind of glide through… anticipating everything to go along as planned. But every once in a while, the Lord allows something in my life that seems to come out of nowhere and I’m blindsided. Here I am, waiting expectantly for what I’m sure is going to come next, and suddenly the game plan is completely changed and I’m left wondering what happened.

But, as Martha Stewart might say, “It’s a good thing.”  If things always went the way I thought they would, complacency would set in. It’s important for me to have reminders that this journey of sanctification is not Burger King — I can’t have it MY way, it has to be HIS way. Having the rug pulled out from under me serves to deepen my trust in the Lord. And did I mention how humbling it is?

I’m learning (slowly) that rather than fight the surprises — good AND bad — that the Lord allows into my life, I must embrace them. I want need to be more intentional about seeking out the thing He is trying to teach me through each set of circumstances I face.  I need to look for Him in those times, see what He’s doing, and join Him in it.

“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” (Prov. 16:9)

“I know, O LORD, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.” (Jeremiah 10:23)

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord, is everlasting strength.” (Isaiah 26:3)

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:9)

So where are we off to, Lord? No — wait… don’t tell me. Surprise me!

The gentle rocking of the boat was soothing to the soul. Although it was morning, there was a hush over the bay as we kayaked out to “Sea Glass Island” looking for treasure. Even the lobster boats were quiet, leaving us to our task.

It was so peaceful. I was focused on the rhythm of my paddles cutting through the water and enjoying the smooth glide of the kayak as it skimmed across the cove in Casco Bay. The sun was beating down, and it was HOT, but I didn’t care. The beauty of the bay and the tranquility of the moment were a balm for my spirit… a much needed respite from the stresses of everyday life.

And then it happened. About five feet in front of us, the surface was gently broken as a seal poked his head up out of the water. He stayed for a moment, and then disappeared, as quietly as he’d come. A couple of minutes later, he surfaced again just in front of Noah’s boat, a completely unexpected and wonderful surprise.  Delightful.

I’ve found that the Lord often comes to me in the stillness as well. It’s not that He’s not there all the time, just as that seal lives in the cove and is always swimming around under the surface of the water, because He is. Yet often in the chaos that is life, I don’t notice Him. At least not the same as I do in the quiet moments.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)

Such familiar words. I’ve always viewed them in terms of my own behavior… and they do apply that way. He commands me to be still — literally, to “cease striving” (and man… I could use me some of THAT!)

But today, I’m seeing it from a different perspective. Today, I’m seeing the promise. If I will be still, He will make Himself known to me. He will show Himself. He will give me a fresh glimpse of who He is. He is Almighty GOD – the Creator of the universe and the Maker of my heart. He is the Bridegroom — the Lover of my soul.  He is all of that and so much more. Delightful.

And this from Isaiah 30:15:

“This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 
       ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation,
       in quietness and trust is your strength…’” (italics mine)

A great promise, no? Yet here’s the rest of that verse, the Lord’s words to Israel…

“…but you would have none of it.”

Oh, Lord… let that not be me!

Very few have come as close to understanding the importance of stillness better than Andrew Murray (1794-1866), and so I’d like to leave you with his words:

Therefore, beloved Christian, as often as you seek to understand better the blessed mystery of abiding in Christ, let this be your first thought (Ps.62:5, marg.): “My soul, only be silent unto God; for my expectation is from Him.” Do you in very deed hope to realize the wondrous union with the Heavenly Vine? Know that flesh and blood cannot reveal it unto you, but only the Father in heaven. “Cease from thine own wisdom.” You have but to bow in the confession of your own ignorance and impotence; the Father will delight to give you the teaching of the Holy Spirit. If but your ear be open, and your thoughts brought into subjection, and your heart prepared in silence to wait upon God, and to hear what He speaks, He will reveal to you His secrets. And one of the first secrets will be the deeper insight into the truth, that as you sink low before Him in nothingness and helplessness, in a silence and a stillness of soul that seeks to catch the faintest whisper of His love, teachings will come to you which you had never heard before for the rush and noise of your own thoughts and efforts. You shall learn how your great work is to listen, and hear, and believe what He promises; to watch and wait and see what He does; and then, in faith, and worship, and obedience, to yield yourself to His working who works in you mightily.

AMEN.

As I type this I’m sitting on a beautiful beach in Scarborough, Maine. My toes are freshly painted (Yes, I know it’s strange to be painting your toenails at the beach. What can I say – I’M A BUSY WOMAN.)

My family has escaped for the afternoon. Our “daycation” (as we’ve come to call it) has brought us to Pine Point, our favorite beach on the East Coast. The wind is brisk today, whipping the waves into a frenzy, to the delight of my children. Summer has finally arrived in New England!

As I watch Noah play in the waves, I’m glad to see him having so much fun. I laugh as I watch him jump back and forth, alternating between trying to catch the waves, and trying to escape them. At the same time, I feel this tension as my “mom sensors” awaken, knowing that the very waves that bring him such joy could also be dangerous.

And I think about my walk with the Lord and the way I handle some of the “fun” things in my life.  Just like Noah, I often find myself running toward something one minute, and then changing my mind at the last minute and deciding that getting so close to the waves isn’t really what I wanted. How Satan loves to trick us into thinking that sin is fun. He disguises clever attempts at enticing us to evil by packaging them in circumstances that delight… that seem innocent enough.

And yet some of those things that we are eager to jump at and play in have the potential to bring incredible destruction to our lives. What may appear to be a pleasant distraction can actually be a path to shame and regret. How very vigilant we must be.

1Pe 5:8  Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.

Hanging too closely to the waves can certainly leave us floundering, terrifies, even breathless at times, but praise, thanks and glory be to the One who whispers, “Peace. Be still”!  The wind and the waves – and the circumstances of our lives – all fall under His sovereign control. Hallelujah!

Psa 93:4  Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea,

          the LORD on high is mighty!

And He is mighty over whatever situation you find yourself in today. Have you been playing too close to the water’s edge? Are you drowning in the consequences of the choices you’ve made apart from His direction? Listen. The second your heart breaks over that sin and you turn from it, He is there. His arms are open wide and He is ready to embrace you with His grace and empower you with His Spirit. So what are YOU waiting for? I’ve been there, and let me tell you – there’s nothing this world has to offer that beats riding the waves of His mercy.

Today is a day of celebration! It’s not only the day the Lord has made, but it’s also the day the Lord made my Dad! Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you so much! 

I wrote the following to read at my Dad’s retirement party in 2001. If you know me at all, you’ll guess (correctly) that I didn’t make it through reading without crying and needing someone else to finish reading.  I still can’t make it through reading without crying. The words are every bit as true today (more so) than they were when I originally penned them. My father is a man with more integrity than anyone I’ve ever known. His servant’s heard is exceeded only by his love for the Lord… and they work in tandem with one another perfectly. I pray that every woman will find someone who will model for her the things my Dad did for me… someone who will mean all that he means to me.

Legacy of Love

            Biologically, any man can be a father, but it takes a man of strong character with an abundance of love to be a Dad.  I am blessed to have such a man as an integral part of my life.  My father, and all that he is, has contributed in large part to the person I am today—and I will be eternally grateful.

            My father gave twenty-five years of his life to teaching at the school district in my town.  His being a teacher at the school I attended meant that he was always nearby, and always knew everything.  The one or two times I misbehaved during my academic days, there was no hiding it from the omniscient Mr. Aron.  Aside from his “secret sources”, Dad gave new meaning to the phrase “eyes in the back of my head”.  I still find myself looking for them from time to time.  It wasn’t always easy being John Aron’s daughter.

            I always felt that being related to Dad meant being held to a higher standard of excellence than most.  People witnessed great things from him, and I assumed they’d expect the same from me, as he did.  Because of this, I was constantly striving for my best (and I still believe the only reason my “A” in his Eighth Grade Technology class wasn’t an “A+” is because he was afraid someone would cry “favoritism”—there can’t possibly be any other explanation).

            My dad never was crazy about any of the boys I took a liking to back then (okay, okay…maybe I didn’t make the best choices).  I think he was intimidating to those who knew him from school, and if that didn’t do it, throw in the “Your dad’s a preacher?” factor, and most of them ran scared.  It’s just as well though.  Over the years I’ve come to realize that his judgment when it came to those things was generally better than mine.  Nonetheless, it wasn’t always easy being John Aron’s daughter.

            Dad’s method of discipline was to make the punishment fit the crime.  This sometimes meant that if life was a bowl of cherries, I ended up with the pits.  If I got home two minutes after eleven o’clock on a Friday night, I sacrificed the next month’s worth of Friday nights to pay for it.  When I got a speeding ticket, I was told that I couldn’t drive for the next four months (until, of course, two weeks later, when Dad got pulled over for bearing down on his accelerator just a little too heavily).  Worse than the punishment meted out, however, was knowing that I had disappointed him.  Once glance at the sorrow in his eyes when I’d let him down was enough to reduce me to tears.  It wasn’t fear of punishment that made me cry, it was knowing that I’d broken his heart.  It wasn’t always easy being John Aron’s daughter.

            Dad has always been a kidder.  He has teased our entire family mercilessly for as long as I can remember.  Well known for his “tickle attacks” (which he now tortures my children with) and his sharp wit, he’s a worthy adversary for anyone willing to take him on in a verbal sparring match.  Add to that the fact that he never forgets the one thing you’d like him to forget, and you’re finished.

            Growing up, one of the things we did as a family on a regular basis was to sit around Dad, with his guitar in hand, and sing.  One night Mom and Dad launched into a song I hadn’t heard before.  As the words to the song played out, I began to cry; my five-year-old mind really believed that they were “leaving on a jet plane”.  To this day, I can’t listen to that song without getting weepy, and Dad just can’t seem to help breaking out into a chorus of it when he feels the urge to tease me about my oversensitive tendencies  (Isn’t senility supposed to be setting in one of these days?  Maybe then he’ll forget about it—no, probably not even then).  I’m telling you, it’s not always easy being John Aron’s daughter.

            While it hasn’t always been easy, let me tell you what it has been.  Being the daughter of John Aron has been the most rewarding experience of my life.  I have had the awesome privilege of being raised by a man with more patience, love, compassion, and integrity than anyone I’ve ever known.  While he encouraged me to learn from my mistakes, I also learned from his example.  I don’t remember my father ever earning my respect, he’s just always had it—and never once failed to prove himself worthy of it in my eyes.

            Dad taught me how to think for myself.  I couldn’t just ask him a question and expect an answer.  He would always answer questions with questions and if possible, make me figure it out on my own.  He allowed me to form my own opinions, encouraged that, and never looked down on me if my view happened to differ from his, as long as it was well thought out.

            My best is all he ever required of me.  He taught me to give whatever I did my all, and to never give up.  There have been more times than I care to remember when I have wanted to give up, but the drive he instilled in me, along with the knowledge that he was behind me, supporting me, has kept me pressing forward, regardless of the obstacles or circumstances surrounding me.

            Likewise, he has never given up on me—never lost faith in me, even during a point in my life when I was so far gone I’m sure he felt he didn’t even know me.  He loved me, prayed for me, and was waiting to embrace me with open arms when I found my way back home.  That’s true commitment, and I’ll never be able to express how much that meant to me, or how much I love him for it.

            Of all the things my father has passed on to me, the greatest by far is his faith in God.  It isn’t that he took me to Sunday School, or taught me the old hymns, or even that he helped me to memorize scripture.  It’s that the man lives his faith.  It permeates every aspect of his life, and you can see it in everything he does and says—in everything he is.  Dad is responsible for guiding me into a relationship with my Savior—saving my life—and that’s the greatest gift he could ever have given me.

            Thanks, Dad.  I love you.

During Sunday morning worship, we’re beginning a series in Jonah, and so I spent much of last weekend digging into the first three verses. As I studied and allowed the Word to speak to me, the Lord impressed several things upon my heart…. so now I’m doing what I usually do — share them with you.

¹ Now the word of the LORD came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, ² “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it; for their wickedness has come up before Me.” ³ But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. (Jonah 1:1-3)

I found lots of historical background on Ninevah. The Assyrians were a wicked nation known for their brutality. They were culturally advanced, but morally corrupt, and known for their fierce brutality.

Israel, while not as bad off as Ninevah, was far from fulfilling God’s desire for her. She was to be a missionary nation (Isaiah 43:21), but instead of that had become anti-gentile. Gen. 12:1-3 says that they were to be the instrument of salvation to other natiosn… but they were unwilling. To Jonah, the thought of going to Ninevah to declare the Lord’s salvation must have been something akin to asking a Jew to go and proclaim peace to Nazi Germany.  Talk about God asking you to do something tough! The prejudices aside, Israel  was also not walking with the Lord.

The command: “Arise… go… call” was intended not only to extend salvation to Ninevah, but also to serve as a rebuke and a wakeup call to Israel, perhaps sparking revival. A look later on in the book offers Ninevah’s repentance as a sharp contrast to Israel’s disobedience. But that’s getting ahead of things a bit.

Being the election freak that I am, I always love when I see the concept of being chosen by God – completely due to His sovereignty and completely unrelated to any personal merit – in the pages of Scripture. I see that with Ninevah. This scene is a perfect picture of God’s action to save unworthy and uninterested sinners (there is no one that seeks Him (Rom. 3:11)). What had Ninevah done for God? Nothing… they weren’t even seeking Him!

“…their evil has come up before Me.” – God’s discovery of sin is its uncovering, and it comes with divine mercy.

He does the same thing in my life. He sheds His divine Light on areas of sin in my life and uncovers them. Sometimes I run, much like Jonah, and try to pretend I don’t see what He’s pointing out to me. Those times leave me feeling isolated and depressed… because living with sin isn’t living at all. It feels more like a slow death. It creates distance between my Father and I and the darkness that begins to creep in makes things even more difficult.

The more I grow in my walk with the Lord, the more I realize that I WANT Him to “discover” my sin. I want Him to make me aware of the things in me that need to be put to death, so that He can live through me. Through that process of sanctification, I experience His grace and mercy anew. I learn more about myself, but more importantly, I learn more about HIM. Each layer that is stripped away shows me more of His character… more of what He likes… more of what He desires from me… more of what delights His heart. I want to bring a smile to His lips, don’t you?

And then those fateful words:  ”But Jonah…”

Instead of going where the Lord is sending him, Jonah heads in the opposite direction. Tim pointed out Sunday that the Hebrew word (yarad) for “went down” actually intimates that Jonah was not just changing location, but taking willful steps of disobedience away from the Lord. Pretty brazen, huh?

Yeah… I can be that way too sometimes. Ouch.

Jonah’s attitude reflects my own sometimes. I often value my comfort above the souls of those who need to hear of judgment and mercy… and not just in terms of salvation. Often the Lord is asking me to extend mercy to someone and my stubborn pride and selfish heart doesn’t want to give it. I think they don’t deserve it. I think that withholding that grace is going to “teach them a lesson” or better yet “I don’t want to enable them.”

There are times when we are called to speak the truth in love, but there are also times when we are called to be grace dispensers.

Jonah knew his theology. He knew the Lord was the sovereign Creator. He knew the Lord was just and compassionate… a forgiving God. He knew all of those things. The problem was his heart.

As is so often the case with mine.

One commentator wrote (and this is what really hit me between the eyes), “It’s a short step from dislike to disobedience.”

Jonah didn’t like the people of Ninevah. That emotion led him to willfully disobey the Lord. And the same thing can happen to me. There are people who rub me the wrong way. Maybe we’re too different. Maybe we’re too alike. Whatever the reason, sometimes I just plain dislike someone. Before you judge me too harshly, think about your own life. Aren’t there people who just annoy you? You don’t wish them ill, you just don’t care for them much.

“It’s a short step from dislike to disobedience.”

So what do we do? We pray for them. We bless them. We love on them. We ask the Lord to change our heart toward them. And then we obey.

The Lord spoke this truth over a particular relationship in my life that has seen its share of ups and downs this year. I realized that my “dislike” could very easily lead me to disobedience. And so I resolved to do something about it.

“We must remember that the goal of Scripture is not to be learned but to be lived. God intended his Word to be practical truth — a gift that prepares us to do every good work.” ~ Phil Ware

This is the quote in my email signature. It’s on my facebook page. I believe it through and through… but if I don’t live it, I’m spending all my time studying in vain.  I want to be soaked in the Word, and to have it not just spill off my lips, but to pour from my life. I want it to change me, until I no longer resemble the woman I once was, but instead look more like Christ each day.

God will have His way with Jonah, as later chapters will reveal. I’ll leave you with a quote I came across in my studying (forgive me for not remembering where it came from)… “God wins out, as He always does. In the process He drenches the paths of our lives with His truth and grace.”

Rain down on me, Lord!

Noah:  Truths, Jasmine.

Jasmine: Huh?

Noah: Truths!

Jasmine: What are you TALKING about?

Noah: I’m tired of fighting. I wanna call truths.

*insert laughter of Mom and Jasmine here*

The conversation above took place as we were heading to Jackson Falls for the afternoon. It was hot and sticky and the kids had been arguing off and on all day. Now, with the afternoon laid out ahead of us, Noah wanted to put the rest of it behind him. He knew he could have fun with his big sister at the Falls if they moved past the bickering.

We chuckled at his mispronunciation of the word “truce”, but the more I thought about it, the more I wondered if his own made up word couldn’t be just as applicable in the situation.

We all have relationships that become strained from time to time. We often find ourselves in situations that result from miscommunication, misunderstanding, and a general failure to convey the “truth” to another. The longer the issues go unaddressed, the deeper the distance that develops between the two parties. If not dealt with, before long the two are no longer communicating at all, and often neither can even remember why. Or at least one of them can’t.

But what would happen if we called a “truths”? We could sit down and look at the truth of what was said, what was meant, and what was perceived?

Better yet… we could dig into the TRUTH together and realize that what we have in common is so much greater than anything we have to argue over. Jim Thornber wrote a thought provoking piece on this very concept over at Thinking Out Loud. Particularly with brothers and sisters who have a common understanding of who Jesus is, we can sit down and open the Word of Truth together, look into how it addresses the issue we’ve been facing, and grow together, not just in our relationship with one another, but also grow together in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. What better way to put differences behind us and renew friendships that may have been feeling a bit neglected?

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. (2 Peter 1:3-4)

Where is that knowledge of Him found, if not in the Word? The ultimate guide to Truth?

¹⁶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Tim. 3:16-18)

Now that’s some truth right there!

Taking Real Understanding To Heart… TRUTH.

And what about the ultimate Truth?

“Jesus said to him, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:6)

How about you? Is it time to call “Truths” in your life?

Jasmine went on a school trip to DC a few weeks ago. It was a LONG week! She was greatly missed… wow. The privilege of being her mother means more to me with each passing day.

We were so excited about her coming home that we wanted to surprise her. Jessica, Joel and I all attacked her bedroom the night before she was to return and cleaned it, top to bottom. With all three of us working, it didn’t take a terribly long time… but the difference was staggering when we were finished. It wasn’t just picked up (according to teen standards)… it was CLEAN.

Sorting through her things was a little bittersweet for me. There was such a mish mash of content. American Girl dolls lay next to lip gloss and eye shadow. Playtex slims rested atop a  miniature trunk filled with barbie clothes.

Almost overnight (ok, maybe it just seems that way), she has gone from being my baby girl to this wonderful, beautiful woman-child. Caught somewhere between the world of toys and that of adulthood, her life is often confusing. Her behavior ranges from that of immature middleschooler to that of someone capable of discernment and wisdom… and back again.

Just like mine.

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” (1 Cor. 13:11)

How I long for that maturity. Some days I feel all grown up. I feel that I’m fully relying on the Lord and that together we can handle whatever comes my way. But there are other days. Days when I take my eyes off of Christ and rest them on my circumstances. Days when I allow stress and worry to take the place of peace and trust… and confusion abounds.

When I read Romans 7:15,  I can’t help but feel that Paul must have understood that tug of war between the two:  “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” This is a man who was a mighty embassador for Christ. He had many children in the faith… he planted churches… he inspired others to godliness, and yet he still felt the pull of his own humanity and sin. I can so relate!

So let’s just call it what it is… the Tweens.

I’m so grateful that “He who began a good work in [me] will be faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 1:6) Until that day, I am a tween.

I’m between the now and the not yet. I’m a stranger in this world, but it’s not time for me to find my home. I’m being transformed into His likeness with ever increasing glory (2 Corinthians 3:18), and yet I’m so not there yet. We have such a long way to go, He and I.

But we’ll make it. Not because I’ll be faithful, but because HE is. In spite of me and my tween mood swings… my childish behavior and moments of grown up lucidity. He will one day finally grow me up into the woman He has intended for me to be all along. And He’ll hold my hand all the rocky way.

I’m so glad that one day I’ll be all grown up… and I’ll be the spitting image of my Dad.

If you’re looking for a more “spiritual” post, check out When He Calls Your Name.

I didn’t get my verses learned for Memory Monday this week. No excuses, it just didn’t happen. I’ll do better next week.

I had a bit of a sore throat yesterday but shrugged it off. I woke this morning to one side of my throat being swollen (you know — when it’s tough to swallow?) and an ache in my left ear. Ugh. I’m going to take some leftover antibiotics (yes – I know you’re supposed to always FINISH the medication, so I have no idea why there’s a half-full bottle of amoxicillen in the cupboard) and some zyrtec and pray that this is just allergies. That would be nice.

I’m going to take advantage of the day at home and get some studying done. I’m way behind in my homework for the Beth Moore study (again, no excuses), and am needing some dedicated time alone with the Lord. Longing for it. Craving it. I’m going to cherish it.

I also have to get my dinner theatre script memorized. It was supposed to be done on April 3rd. Hmmmmmmmmmm.

Are you sensing a pattern here?

What is it that gets us off course and leads us to lose focus? The busyness of the holidays? Sickness? I’m not sure what it is.

Jasmine is in DC on a school trip this week. I miss her like crazy. It’s quieter around here… and I hate coming home to an empty house after work. It sounds like she’s having a good time, but it has me remembering our family trip to DC and longing for a vacation. 

A friend called yesterday for prayer. Her mom has terminal cancer and they have decided to stop her chemo treatments. The disease has spread to both lungs, and they’ve given her 3-4 months to live. I cried with my sweet friend and prayed with her. She’s confident in her mom’s salvation, yet the grieving process is still difficult. She lost her father just a year ago.

Tomorrow I will be attending a funeral. Another friend’s father passed away this week after a two-year battle with cancer. As far as I know, the family does not know the Lord (including my friend), and so my heart is doubly aching for them today. Death is hard enough when you have eternal hope. I’m not sure how people cope without that.  I pray that through this process, they will seek out God and discover the hope that is found in Christ alone. I pray that I will be ready if the Lord chooses to use me to show them.

I guess I’ve just given you my prayer list for today, huh? Jasmine away in DC, my friend Sheree and her mom, my friend Gwen & her family as they mourn the loss of her father.  And I pray that in the midst of it all, I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith, and that in spite of the trappings of this life, I will experience fullnes of joy in His presence.

Psalm 121

A Song of Ascents.

 ¹ I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
         From whence comes my help?
 ² My help comes from the LORD,
         Who made heaven and earth. 
 ³ He will not allow your foot to be moved;
         He who keeps you will not slumber.
 ⁴ Behold, He who keeps Israel
         Shall neither slumber nor sleep. 
 ⁵ The LORD is your keeper;
         The LORD is your shade at your right hand.
 ⁶ The sun shall not strike you by day,
         Nor the moon by night. 
 ⁷ The LORD shall preserve you from all evil;
         He shall preserve your soul.
 ⁸ The LORD shall preserve your going out and your coming in
         From this time forth, and even forevermore.